


Doctor Who Oneshots

by eurusholmmes



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Female Doctor (Doctor Who), Multiple Doctors (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-10-20 02:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 36,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17613719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eurusholmmes/pseuds/eurusholmmes
Summary: This book contains reader inserts for mainly the 10th through 13th, with a hint of 9th. Don't be afraid to leave feedback, and do enjoy!“This is one corner… of one country, in one continent, on one planet that’s a corner of a galaxy that’s a corner of a universe that is forever growing and shrinking and creating and destroying and never remaining the same for a single millisecond. And there is so much, so much to see.”





	1. Chapter 1

You had known the Doctor since the days of your childhood in the Academy on Gallifrey. You'd been best friends ever since, and even though you'd been through the Time War apart, he had still somehow managed to find you. By the most ironic of coincidences, you managed to fall in love with The Oncoming Storm - who soon took it upon himself to make you his wife.

It had been hundreds of years and a whole new face since you'd married each other. You loved him with every fiber of your being - especially the childlike persona he exhibited and the wonder you often saw deep in those emerald green eyes of his. Especially whenever it was the two of you and your beloved Ponds. But beneath that impenetrable mask he so often wore was the shell of a man who was weighed down with all he'd seen. Regardless of his demons and the ghosts that haunted him, you had never loved another man more.  
  
The Doctor had originally planned on taking you to New New New Mexico for something (you swore it was for the nude beaches), but you instead arrived on the outskirts of a town called Mercy and everything had sort of escalated from there. After your last altercation with the Master - which had also been the last time you'd seen the darker side of the Doctor - You never though you'd see the raging Time Lord that lurked beneath the skin ever again. 

The way he had looked at you when he'd gone into that glass box with all intentions of dying.. Like he was committing the sight of you to memory before he was bathed in the eternal darkness of death. It was not a memory you wanted to relive.

   "I just thought I'd put you all in enough danger... Perhaps if I left-" You casually leaned against Amy Pond as Karla-Jex spoke, tugging at the (y/h/c) braid that she'd done for you inside the TARDIS earlier that morning as a way to keep your hair from falling in your face.   
  
 The abrupt shout of " _Lying!_ " had you early jumping out of your own skin as the Doctor stormed back into the room, his brow furrowed with anger as he glowered at the other man. You pressed your lips into a thin line and parted from Amelia to reluctantly rest your hand against the curve of his shoulder.  
  
  "Doctor?"   
  
  "Every word, everything he says." His muscles spasmed under the softness of your touch as your fingers ghosted over the curve of his elbow, drinking in the feeling of the tweed fabric of his coat until you linked your fingers together. The Doctor glanced at your concerned gaze through his peripheral vision as he swallowed the bile in his throat, carefully reminding himself that you were in the room with him - and that he had no need to resort to such a measure as violence. It didn't suit him.

Your heart began to accelerate as you watched him back Karla-Jex into the nearest chair and tower over the smaller man. "It's all lies." He repeated, lips curled back in a vicious snarl. " _This man is a murderer._ "   
  
  "I am a scientist!" He protested.   
  
  "Sit down." The Doctor snapped. When Karla-Jex didn't immediately comply, the Time Lord's expression contorted to raw anger as he now stood chest to chest with the other man. "SIT DOWN!" Had this excursion taken place when you had first reunited with the man you loved, part of you might have had an inkling of fear lingering deep within at the sight of such anger. It was something to behold.. The fury of a Time Lord.

It was purely instinctive for you to want to remain at your husbands side, and had it not been for Amy coaxing you backward and out the door - you might as well have stayed inside the Prison. You quirked an eyebrow at the redheaded woman as she quietly shut the door behind her and proceeded to hold her hands up in surrender.  
  
"I don't want you to get hurt because of how angry he is." Amy explained. You knowingly nodded at her claim and leaned against the railing of the porch, lifting your hand to your line of sight to gaze upon the wedding ring that adorned your finger. "You know as well as I do that he'll never forgive himself if he hurts you."   
  
You knew she was right. The Doctor had carried an irrational fear of your death since the start of your relationship, and even after the four faces you'd been part of and the whispered promises to stay by his side, he always believed that one day he would drive you away in the most painful way possible - and it would be the end of him.

You craned your neck to hear the conversation continuing inside. "Tell them what you are."   
  
  " _What am I, Doctor?_ " Karla-Jex snapped back in reply, the emblem etched into his skin blazing in the sunlight. The two men were so deep into the conversation that neither noticed your returned presence in the room. " _A war hero_." As Isaac stepped back in to intervene, the Doctor turned around and his expression immediately softened when he saw the fear that lingered in your eyes. You were never afraid of him unless you thought he was going to kill somebody.   
  
 The Time Lord swallowed thickly and stepped forward to close the gap between you. A shaky breath broke past your lips as his fingers prodded at your hips, desperate to find a hold on your body that would ground him. " _I'm still me._ " He whispered in your ear as his lips grazed the side of your neck. You were halted in response whenever he turned away from you and walked back towards the cell. "The Gun Slinger is a cyborg."   
  
  "A  _what?_ "   
  
  "Half man, half machine. Jex built it. He and his team took volunteers and told them that they'd be selected for special training." You inwardly cringed at his words, imagining what it'd be like to be restrained to a table as people performed experiments on you against your own will. There would have been blood spilled. "And  _experimented on them._ Fused their bodies with weaponry, and programmed them to kill!"   
  
Your face contorted with disgust. You had no desire to associate with anyone of a species who killed people against their own will for their own benefit. It was cruel, it was horrifying, and most of all, it was  _inhumane._ "Okay," Isaac replied hesitantly. "Why? Why would you do that Doc?"   
  
  "We'd been in warfare for nine years. A war that had already decimated half of our planet." Memories of your time fighting on the front lines of the Time War came rushing back to the forefront of your mind, and had you not been leaning against Amy, you probably would've vomited on the spot. The Scot looked at you with concern, quietly motioning to Rory that he needed to follow the two of you back outside so the others could continue in private.  
  
  "I hate to bring this up, but you're awfully pale." Amy murmured as she leaned her weight against the railing of the porch.  You sighed irritably as Rory examined you for any signs of illness before stepping away to wipe the sweat off your forehead with the back of your hand. "Care to tell me why you almost vomited?"   
  
Your expression grew dark as you stared at the woman who had essentially become your best friend in the time you had known one another. "Do you and your husband wish to know all my deepest, darkest secrets? There are things I have done that the two of you would despise me for." She intently studied you for a moment before softly shaking her head, causing the breath you'd been holding to forcibly exhale. "Good, because you'd hate me if you did."   
  
You couldn't help the tears that built in your eyes as you listened to your husband yell at the murderer inside. You had spent everyday regretting the choices that the two of you made on Gallifrey. But even with all of the blood of your own people on your hands, the two of you had still always come back to each other. There was no denying he was your everything, your rock, your best friend.. your soulmate.  
  
You pressed your ear against the door out of sheer curiosity once you'd heard Jex speak your name. "When I look at you Doctor, and that pretty girl with the ancient eyes outside, it's almost like looking into a mirror. On both of you! There's rage there, and guilt, like me. Solitude.. Everything but the nerve to do  _what needs to be done._ "   
  
Had Amy not pushed you to the side, the Doctor would've easily ran you over as he roughly shoved Jex through town and back towards the boundary line. " _STOP IT DOCTOR!_ " You yelled, hastily pushing through the growing crowd of people. Your hearts nearly stopped whenever he shoved Jex over the line and snatched a revolver out of one of the towns peoples holsters. "You know as well as I do that you won't shoot him!"  
  
Which was true. The mere fact that he was pulling a gun out, let alone threatening to  _shoot_ somebody, set you off. The version of him that you had married refused to hold a gun, let alone look at one. And now that he was compromising, you were done watching him try to kill people to save others. "You wouldn't."   
  
Your stomach crawled into your throat as he cocked the hammer of the revolver back towards himself, resistance to pulling the trigger evident in his eyes.  _He's still there, still your Doctor._ "I genuinely don't know." Rory pressed a hand against your shoulder, causing you to turn to him and see the gun he was resting in your hand.   
  
  "Calm him down _._ " The Centurion whispered as the people around him shifted anxiously. "You're the only one who can."   
  
Before you could fully register what was happening, the Doctor was pointing his weapon at the townspeople and you were firing a warning shot into the air. "Let him come back, Doctor!" His face flooded with disbelief as he stared at you, the revolver still clutched in his hand.   
  
  "Or what?" He deadpanned. "You won't  _shoot me, y/n!_ "   
  
  "How do you know?" You snapped back. "If it's to keep you from killing these people, maybe I will! Maybe I've changed in the time we've been married,  _clearly_ you've been taking stupid lessons since I saw you last-" You nearly laughed at yourself as the gun went off again, firing a bullet at the ground. "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to do that!" Another shot fired, and you doubled over with laughter. "Or that!"   
  
  "We can end this right now, y/n! We can save everyone right now!" The Doctor stormed in your direction, causing you to freeze as he was only mere inches away. You could practically feel his breath fanning over your face, green eyes questioning as they flickered between your own and the tantalizing curve of your mouth. If you were to only lean forward a few inches, he would be putty in your hands.

  "This is not how we roll, genius!" You snapped in retaliation, the weapon in your grasps clattering to the ground as you clutched the sleeves of his tweed jacket. "And you know it! What's happened to you, old man? When did killing someone become _an option?!_ "   
  
In the entire time they had been traveling with you and the Doctor, Rory and Amy had never seen you so furious. The Doctor had only vaguely informed them of your part in the War, and even then - Neither of them knew the ghosts that haunted your every waking moment. You did everything in your power to be the best wife you could to a very broken man, and to remind your husband that he was, in face, a better man then he claimed to be. "Jex has to pay for his crimes!"   
  
  "And then what then? Are you going to hunt down the people who made the weapons we used to kill our race?" His jaw tightened at the mention of the Timelords, all of whom were dead because of the two of you. "A gun, a bomb?"   
  
  "But they _keep coming back!_ Don't you see?! Every time I negotiate, I try to understand. Well, not today! No!" He was hovering over you at that point, fists curled at his sides as you held your breath - prepared for him to lash out at you. "Today, I honor the victims first! His, the Masters, The Daleks, all the people who died because of  _my mercy!_ " You turned your head away from him, oblivious to the flicker of confusion in his eyes as you blinked away tears threatening to fall.

  "Do you see what happens when we drift away from each other? We start to lose ourselves." You choked out, cupping his face in your hands. Ever since the Ponds had taken permanent residence inside the TARDIS, you'd been off doing other things with River Song, and had only come back to visit your husband because it had been so long since you'd seen each other. "People like you and me, with hearts like ours, _mercy is in our blood._ K-Killing people? That's not you. That's not us."   
  
 You leaned forward and gingerly rubbed your nose against his own, hot breath fanning his face as he pulled you to him to close the gap between you. Nimble fingers danced along your sides until curving comfortably over your hip, while his free hand snaked upward to curl in your hair. Satisfaction permeated the electricity coursing through your veins as he audibly whimpered at your touch - having been deprived of it for as long as he had. It was just as he moved to deepen your kiss that you were forced to retreat, resting your forehead against his own as he snaked both arms around your waist.

 " _I need you to be here with me._ " He whispered fiercely. " _Don't leave me ever again._ "   
  
A smile caressed your face as he stood tall, staring down at you with his beautiful green eyes. Once again you had saved him from himself, and to you... that was a massive success. Bonus points if he ended up smiling by the time you were finished.  "I won't, old man." You mused as you booped his nose. ''Now, I believe we have a town to save." You peered around the Doctor's shoulder and met Jex's eyes. "And another Doctor as well. What can I say?"   
  
      He nudged his hip with your own as you simultaneously crossed your arms over your chest. " _Geronimo._ "


	2. Let Me Be Brave | Twelfth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during 9x10: Face The Raven

Most of the time when you two had first met, you had been inseparable. Attached at the hip no matter where you went. Ever since he had regenerated into old, Scottish grump, you weren't sure what you felt for him. It had used to be love. The purest love a human could give.   
  
You'd stayed because he'd asked you to. You and Clara both. The Impossible Girl, who you had come to admire so deeply, had stayed because he was the Doctor and he needed you as much as you needed him. So one day, you'd _become_ the Doctor, and it had been the end of you.  
  
Your death. The entire time you'd been on the TARDIS, you'd always been terrified of dying with the Doctor present. And now that day had finally come, where he would witness the love of his life die because you were  _just like him._ He had given you the facade that you were indestructible.   
  
Rigsy had a baby girl back home. A wife to get to. And you weren't about to let him die due to Ashildir's naivety. So, like a good little companion, you took the chronolock before Clara could get to him and grab it herself. She still had the universe to look forward to, and starts to watch die and live.   
  
When the Doctor had seen that you'd taken it, he was so angry with you. Ashildir specifically had stated that she couldn't do anything to save you, and you felt your heart sink inside your chest. This was it. The day of your death. "No, no,  _no!_ " He screamed, stomping his foot against the ground. Tears pricked your eyes as you tentatively reached your hand outward to grab his own. "Y/n, what were you thinking?!"   
  
  "Doctor." You whispered, your fingertips grazing his own as you laced your fingers together. You had yearned so long for his touch, and now you finally got what you'd wished for. "Please,  _please. Be a little bit proud of me._ " Your hand went up to cup his face, thumb running over the lines and cracks that made him  _himself._ "You daft old man... I always said it wouldn't last forever. Remember?"   
  
Silence ensued between the both of you as his ancient, blue green eyes filled with tears and he picked your hand up, clutching it in his own. Your heart pounded as his lips brushed against your knuckles. " _No matter what body." Bowtie had said, staring down at you as you laid in his bed together. "You'll always be the one for me. Even if I don't say it. You'll know._ "   
  
Your jaw slackened as he stared at you with quite possibly the saddest look of adoration you had ever seen. "This is all my fault,  _I should've taken care of you y/n_."   
  
  ''I never asked you too. All that time we've spent together since the day you rescued me from myself, never ONCE did I tell you that you needed to rescue me again. You saved my life, and since then, I've been running ever since. Maybe now it's time for me to face the raven." You wanted to kiss him, to tell him it had only ever been him, but he knew. Oh,  _he knew._ "Look at me, old man." His hands settled themselves at your hips comfortably, and you let out the breath you had been holding. "I'm going to leave you, and you're going to be with Clara. You're going to be angry,  _oh so angry_ , but I don't want you to be. I want you to move on, to travel the stars, and to teach your companions about y/n y/m/n,  _the girl whose life you saved."_ You turned back towards Clara who was watching the confrontation with tears running down her face. "Clara, I have one job for you. One final thing to ask."   
  
  "Anything.  _Anything, y/n._ "   
  
  "Don't let him be angry.  _And for the love of God,_ " You brought your fingertips up to your cheeks, shocked at the amount of tears that were settling into your skin. " _Don't let this change either of you._ "   
  
  "What's the point of being a Doctor if I  _can't cure you?_ " He breathed, his lips just barely grazing your ear.   
  
  "Heal  _yourself._ You have too. I will die, and no one else anywhere, not here, _will suffer for it._ " And when you looked into those ancient, beautiful eyes, you saw him. Sand shoes, running around the TARDIS like a crazed child, beaming at you like you were the most perfect thing he'd ever laid eyes on. And Bowtie, how he'd always tell you what you meant to him, how much  _he loved you._ The TARDIS, in all her majesty, showing you the universe and everything that came with it.   
  
And then the Doctor. The man who had stolen your heart with the first whisper of, "Run."   
  
  "What about me?" Your heart broke as you heard his voice shrink, something so foreign to you. He never backed down from talking if it was to save a life.   
  
  "If there's something I could do about that, old man, I would." You stood on your tiptoes, cupping his face in your hands as his grip tightened on your waist. "I can give you one last thing to remember me by." His eyes fluttered shut as you pulled him in for a bittersweet last kiss, something that lasted so short that you wanted to last forever. He hummed against you, tilting his head to the side to deepen it. When you pulled away, you could've sworn you heard a sob break past his lips. " _Now, I guess we're both going to have to be brave, sweetheart._ "   
  
You pulled the ring off your neck, the first present he had bought you whenever you'd gone to Rome with him and Donna  _so long ago._ His eyes widened as you picked up his hand and laid it in his palm. "Y/N-"   
  
You let out a sob and wrapped your arms around his neck, trying to contain your hysteria by burying your nose in his shoulder. " _I love you._ " You whispered in his ear, resting your hand on the back of his head. " _Please remember that, Doctor. I loved you so much._ " Before he could respond, you cut him off sharply. "I know you. Everything you're about to say, I already know. We've already had enough bad timing."   
  
The caw of the raven sounded through the windows, and it took everything in you to not shiver at it. Death was lurking right outside your door. "Don't run. Stay with me, _please._ "   
  
  "No." You nearly laughed at how broken the two of you sounded. All of time and space, three new faces, and here you were, running away from him instead of toward him."Don't move from this spot. Stay here with Clara. My mother and father died apart, so I have to die alone too."   
  
  "Y/N-"   
  
  "This is about as brave as I get Doctor." You snapped, inhaling sharply to try to keep the tears away. If you looked at him the way he kept looking at you, you wouldn't have stayed inside. "I know how much this is going to hurt you because I've seen what happens when your companions leave."  _Donna's pleas. Amy's screams. Rory's fright._ You'd seen it all. It had broken you nearly as much as it had broken him. "After all we've been through, be a little proud of me."   
  
  " _Goodbye Doctor._ "   
  
And with that, you were gone, away from your best friend and the man you loved. Your heart pounded at your sternum and blood roared in your ears as you stepped onto the vacant street. The raven was staring at you with beady eyes as it came soaring through the market. "Let me be brave."  
  
You didn't even know he was behind you. Watching you with fear and love in his eyes. He cursed himself for not taking care of you, for not telling you how much you truly meant to him. He hated how unsympathetic this new body was. How uncaring.  _He was going to hate himself forever for this._    
  
Your scream echoed through the cobblestone streets as the Raven flew right into you. Your knees buckled beneath you and you fell, the last thing you remember being those ancient blue eyes that would forever be with you even through death.   
  
The Doctor slowly took small steps towards you as your y/e/c eyes became vacant, and black smoke spewed from your mouth before you collapsed on the street, gone forever. If he couldn't save you, he was going to give you the burial you deserved. The TARDIS would help with it. " _I'm sorry._ " He whispered, pulling his head into your lap and pressing his forehead against your own. " _I'm so sorry._ "   
  
(I could potentially end this here, but I still have a little dialogue to give between Clara and the Doctor.)   
  
He carried your body inside the TARDIS, laying you down on the floor above the console. You look so pale, so lifeless, so  _human_ it broke his hearts to see you. "W-What are you doing!?" Clara exclaimed, screaming as the TARDIS lurched to the side. "DOCTOR!"   
  
  "I have to save her! Go back into her own timeline, and rescue her from the Raven!" The brunette's face lost color, and in that moment, your last order to her echoed clearly inside her head. "I have too, Clara! She's been there through THREE faces. I can't just let her die, not like this!"   
  
 _Don't let him be angry._ She took small steps around the console, wrapping her arms around his waist and guiding him away from the controls. "Doctor, she wanted this. She saved Rigsy, and she saved me. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."   
  
He froze at Clara's words, screwing his eyes tightly shut as your face popped back into his head. So beautiful, so  _human_... "I need her." He muttered as she hugged him tightly. The two of them looked back to where your body laid and let out a sob in unison. "I need her."   
  
  "I know you do. She told me all of what you two have been through together. But here's the thing." She reached two fingers inside his jacket pocket and pulled out the glowing red ring you'd handed to him earlier. "She told you to tell the story of the girl you saved to other universes, to tell your other companions about how she changed your life. And now, you've got to respect that wish. If you're going to bury her, bury her where home was.  _Home was wherever you were at with her._ "   
  
He could make you apart of the TARDIS. Dead, but living alongside him and his blue box. And that's exactly what he did.   
  
But he never forgot that beautiful human who he saved, who stole his hearts with just the first, " _Hello_ _."_  
  
So he wrote your name down in Gallifreyan across the top of the console, and every day, he looked at it to remind himself of you.   
  
 _Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N_  
  
 _Forever in my hearts_  
The Girl Who I Rescued   
And the Woman Who Saved Me 


	3. Healing Hands | Tenth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor contracts an illness that knocks his feet out from beneath him, and it's up to you to be his caretaker.

" _Y/N!"_

It was the frantic call of your name that had you shooting up out of your bed, snapping the novel you had been reading shut in the process as you moved to seek out the Doctor.  It had been nearly a year since you'd begun traveling with him, and you were  _completely_ awestruckat everything he'd shown you. There were whole worlds out there waiting for your eyes to behold their majesty.   
  
But after a particular adventure, he'd settled the TARDIS in the shadows of the Medusa Cascade and went off to his bedroom without a second thought. That brought up multiple red flags - For one thing, he didn't sleep. And for two, you didn't even know he had a bedroom to sleep  _in._

It was less then a day later that you realized he was sick. With the bloody human cold, none the less. "Doctor?" You called out, wrapping your robe around your form as you padded down the hall in your slippers. You had half expected him to be lounging in the console room, but he was leaning against the wall down the hallway where you assumed his bedroom was. "Are you alright?"   
  
The first thing you noticed was that he was trembling and that his hair was clinging to his face with how much he'd been sweating. "It's freezing in here!" He exclaimed, rubbing his arms to create some friction. You tilted your head, pressing your lips together in a line as you took his hand and put it to your face. He breathed out a sigh of relief at the contrast of your skin as you felt his forehead. "What're-"   
  
  "Good Lord man," You muttered as you lead him into his bedroom. Your heart lifted as the crackle of flames met your ears.  Despite rarely being used, his room was cozy, the bed sheets of his Queen sized bed embroidered gold with Gallifreyan written carefully on the fabric. The room itself was lined with bookcases and a massive closet that held all the outfits he'd worn since his first incarnation. "How on earth did you contract a bloody cold? Don't you have an indestructible immune system or something?"   
  
  The indignant look he shot you made your cheeks flare up, but it was hard not to laugh at how childish he was acting. "It's not a normal cold. I honestly have no idea where it came from." You flinched as he sneezed loudly and collapsed on his bed in a heap of gangly limbs and trench coat. " _Rassilon.._ I don't know if I've ever felt so terrible, Y/N." Not once had you ever seen him look so defeated, and it was quite amusing to listen to his moans and complaints about stupid alien planets and their insufferable diseases.   
  
  "Okay, look." You sat down at his side and slowly began raking your fingers through his hair. A soft smile turned your lips upward when a low moan broke through the back of his throat and he subconsciously leaned into your gentle touch. "I'm gonna go make you some of your favorite soup, and then I'm gonna cuddle with you because your skin feels like a bloody ice cube." He nodded weakly and vanished underneath the mound of blankets as you padded to the kitchen to make him some soup.  _Chicken noodle is his favorite._  
 

After fifteen minutes of blessed silence - You poured the soup into a blue ceramic bowl and walked back towards his room where the Doctor was spread out across his bed, reduced to one blanket, and shirtless. Your heart nearly stopped when he lifted his head to look at you, weary brown eyes crinkling at the smell that made his mouth water. "Oh, thank _God-"_

You wiggled your eyebrows amusingly. "Don't you mean thank Rassilon?" You retorted, unable to resist giving into his desperate touches as he moved to pull you against his chest. He was almost like a child seeking out their mother in times of distress. 

  "That too." His speech had _definitely_ slurred. 

It was the soft tone of his voice that drew you from your imagination - one where The Doctor was very clingy when he was drunk - to turn around and look at the Time Lord behind you. Brown eyes were cast on the ground as his fingers wound around the fabric of your shirt, chest lightly heaving to regain the air he was losing with the congestion. It was only upon hearing, "Are you gonna take care of me, Y/N?" that your heart finally melted. 

Here he was - This soldier, this ancient being who had seen so much and had lived such a long life, had watched civilizations burn and the people he loved fall to dust.. and he wanted  _you_ to take care of _him_. A simple human who loved him far more then you cared to admit.   
  
You nodded and sat the soup down on his bedside table before turning to him and removing your slippers to crawl into his bed. It was only a moment later that you opened your arms wide and gestured for him to fall into your embrace. The Doctor swallowed the lump growing in his throat and turned on his back, resting his head in the crook of your shoulder. "Do Time Lord temperatures normally fluctuate?" You whispered, grinning as he tangled his legs in yours. He nodded weakly as you reached for the spoon, pursing his lips as you tilted it to trickle broth into his mouth. "How do you feel right now?"   
  
  "Tired." He murmured into your skin, nimble fingers tracing shapes along the exposed flesh of your thigh. "I'm not hungry anymore. Will you come down here so I can fall asleep?" You nodded and shimmied downward so you were laying behind him, laughing as his teeth began to chatter. "Blimey, it's bloody freezing in here."  
  
 And this was coming from the man who now had  _ten blankets_ piled on top of him. "You are ridiculous, Time Lord." You said. Your hand brushed against the thicker material of the topmost blanket and you hoisted it up, covering him with it before you jumped out of the bed. His brown eyes peered out from the warm fur as you shimmed out of your shorts and tank top, leaving yourself in a bra and underwear.

His shock was something to behold. "W-What-" The Doctor couldn't help but let his eyes wander over the curves of your legs and hips before his eyes timidly locked with your own. Of all the humans he'd traveled with - you were the one with the brightest soul and the biggest heart. He could name over a dozen times where he'd sought you out in the darkness of your bedroom, having been woken by a night terror that shook him to his core. Then there was the times that _you_ held _his_ hand when you were running away from the danger, not the other way around. You never faltered, you never asked to be thanked.. and that spoke measures to him of how deeply you cared. "Y/N, what are you doing?"   
  
  "You need to get warm." You murmured in reply, pressing a kiss to his forehead before wrapping your arms around him. Despite the sinewy form that reclined in front of you, you gently kneaded the area between his shoulder blades to relieve the coils of tension spread throughout his upper body. The Doctor relaxed as your fingers ran across the nape of his neck before sifting through his hair. If you continued in your ministrations, it wouldn't be long until he fell asleep."You going to sleep, old man?" You whispered. He moved toward you in response and shifted his weight so you were facing one another. Even in the time you'd known him he was always touching you in some form, no matter innocent or with the intention of something deeper. It made you wonder how long it had been since he'd been touched. "Or do you want to watch Netflix?"   
  
He hummed against the curve of your shoulder. "You have Netflix in here? Turn on something good."   
  
And so you did, with the Doctor curled up against you, he reveled in your warmth and allowed his hands to explore your body carefully as the two of you watched  _Game of Thrones._ "Doctor," You breathed out, grabbing his hands and placing them on your stomach. " _Please go to sleep._ "   
  
A smile crossed his face as you began humming to him and his breathing slowly evened out until he was completely asleep, wrapped up in you, his companion. 


	4. Insecurities | Twelfth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twelve gets injured and is reluctant to let you patch him up for fear you'd see him differently then you had previous incarnations.

 The sound of gunfire and raging Sontarans urged your legs forward, and as soon as she was in sight, you dove head first into the TARDIS and nearly landed on your husband in the process. The doors loudly slammed behind you with a simple snap of your fingers and once you gazed at The Doctors expression, it took every ounce of self control you had not to laugh. But The Doctor.. the idiot was  _grinning._ And it wasn't just a simple smile - It was one of those smiles that spreads the entire way across your face, that smile that reaches your eyes and accentuates the crows feet around them. On The Doctor, it was quite possibly the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.

  "Of all the people I have ever met, you are by far the most impossible man." You murmured into the silence, laughing quietly to yourself as he slowly stood to his feet and stumbled toward the console. A multitude of red flags went up in that moment - The aversion of his gaze, the tremor of his hands that pressed against his stomach, the pungent smell of Time Lord blood. He was  _wounded,_ desperate to hide it from you, and that made your heart sink. "Doctor? Did the adrenaline wear off"   
  
That's when you noticed he was bleeding enough to stain through the fabric of his dress shirt. "I-I'm fine." He rasped in response, gripping the the edge of console with white fingers. The TARDIS, wishing she could do more to tend to her thief, hummed apologetically as she dimmed the lights inside the console room. "Y/N-"   
  
Removing your own coat and rolling your sleeves up to your elbows, you moved forward to gently pry his jacket off his shoulders. Pale blue eyes watched your every move as you bent your knees to take a closer look at the wound on his stomach. "I'm going to clean you up, sweetheart. Wait here." He stiffened at the thought of being vulnerable in front of you, something he'd constantly done in his previous body. Eleven had _oozed_ confidence in his feelings for you - taking to whispered confessions and stolen kisses and those side glances during adventures that made your knees weak. You knew that this incarnation of The Doctor was rubbish at intimacy, but it had never bothered you. You had still loved him all the same. Last week was the first time he'd touched you in quite a while, and all he had done was hold your hand. 

You would've been lying if you said you weren't craving him.  
  
He loathed not exuding confidence. After burning his home world, losing multiple companions he had loved with all his hearts.. completely ruining the lives of innocent people, why should he? What sane person would ever love him with his past?   
  
His self deprecating thoughts stalled as you ambled up the stairs and set the med kit down on the captains chair. Your hearts fluttered when your eyes met his own, eyes so weighed down with all he had seen but still so _beautiful_. "Bloody stubborn Scot." You murmured, fingers sliding up the plains of his chest to unbutton his dress shirt. You felt his breathing hitch under your touch, and so you lifted your head to cup his face in your hands. The Doctor sighed and leaned into the warmth of your touch and rested his hand over your own as you ran the pad of your thumb over the rough skin of his cheek. "Tell me, Time Lord. Why are you so jittery?"  
  
He swallowed the urge to say  _because I'm not good enough for you_ , and instead went with, "I'm going to be in front of you. Half naked."   
  
You snorted and tossed the blood stained shirt to the side along with his coat, making a mental note to wash them after you'd taken care of him. "Still not quite sure why that's a big deal. You act like that's never happened before."   
  
 His lips curled backward in a sneer, but not toward you. It was more directed to himself. "Not in this body, sweetheart." His calloused hands caught yours as he stood before you with his dress shirt hanging open. A sob bubbled in your throat when you saw the amount of blood on his chest where there was supposed to be smatterings of grey chest hair that was now stained deep red. "Y/N, you really don't have to-"  
  
 You threaded your fingers through his hair and tightly wound his silver curls around your fingers, a futile attempt to keep his attention on you. "I'm going to whether you like it or not." You snapped in response. "This cut is deep and it needs cleaned. And while you could use your regeneration energy to do so, I really don't think you will. So do me a favor, _sit down_ and _shut up._ " The Doctors shoulders slumped in defeat as he leaned back against the captains chair, eyes cast upward towards the Gallifreyan dials of all his companions names that revolved around the center console. "You don't have to do this you know. Not around me."  
  
He sharply inhaled as your index finger gently traced the oozing gash that stretched from his shoulder to his breastbone. "What do you mean?"   
  
  "You keep acting all flustered around me. Eleven flailed like an idiot when I kissed him the first time.. but you,  _The Doctor,_  fell in love with me  _hard,_ just like the way I fell for you. I know you." You whispered, gentle fingers prodding the open flesh around his injury to assess if it needed stitching. "You are insecure about this body because it seems to portray all the devastating choices you've made and how much it weighs you down. But as I've told you a thousand times, and I'll tell you a thousand more, I still love you regardless. _My_ Doctor. The only change is that you happen to just a different face."   
  
You pressed your lips into a thin line and pondered your next decision before you stood to you feet and lowered yourself into his lap. With one hand spread evenly over his heart, you singlehandedly removed your tank top which left you in nothing but a nude colored bra and pajama pants. "Y/N-" he blurted out nervously, a embarrassed blush spreading across his cheeks as you began to wind gauze around his chest. "W-What're you doing?"   
  
  "Do you trust me?" Your question as a reluctant whisper, still unsure that you truly wanted to hear the answer as nimble fingers kneaded the flesh that lined your hipbones. "All of time and space together, still we still have so much more to see. After all these years, I think it's time I teach you something. So let me ask again. Do you  _trust_ me?"  
  
The Doctor reluctantly nodded as you gripped his hands in your own, splaying them out over the curve of your hips just so his thumbs skimmed the bottom of your ribcage. Desperate to feel more of him, you leaned forward and pressed your chest into his own as you brought your hand up to caress his jaw. Large hands travelled to the small of your back and pulled you close enough to him that you could scatter hot kisses along the curve of his neck.  
 

The Doctor allowed his eyes to flutter close as your lips ascended to the curve of his jaw ever so slowly, igniting the fire that had sparked deep in his belly. Your fingers subconsciously began dancing all over his skin, committing the cracks and scars of this body to memory as he turned his head far enough to capture your lips in his own.

A low moan reverberated in the back of your throat as his tongue traced the seam of your lips - an act he only ever performed when no other soul was around. "I'm not a good man. I'm not a hero." He whispered into your mouth, pulling away as his lungs ached for the air they'd lost in his action of kissing you.   
  
You left your fingers threaded in his hair and leaned back to gaze into the icy blues of his eyes. Each Doctor had come with his very own set of haunted eyes - but the longer you were married to him, the more transfixed you were at how the color of them was different in every body. Ten had been onyx, Eleven had been emerald, but Twelve was crystal.. And it might've been your favorite.

"But that's the thing, Doctor. You are so much more then a hero, especially to me." You pressed a kiss on the crease of his forehead and nuzzled his shoulder until your face fell into the crook of his neck. "You do not have to take the burden for every wrong choice you do. Even though our home has been reduced to ash, there are still so many other worlds out there that you and I have saved. They wouldn't be there without you, you know."

After your proclamation of his heroism over the years he'd been protecting the Earth, The Doctor felt entirely undeserving of somebody like yourself. The High Council had called you the only Time Lady insane enough to fight on the front lines of the War, the only one mad enough to be by his side through it all. You were always there, always fighting, always yearning for another adventure in a place you'd never been. 

"Thank you." He whispered, taking your hands in his own to brush his lips against the bridge of your knuckles. "I'm too lucky to have you."   
  
You beamed at him, taking his arm in yours to lead him down the stairs towards the TARDIS Library. Anytime you weren't in the console room with him, you were curled up in the Library on the futon with a cup of chamomile and a mound of blankets. It was the coziest room in the TARDIS and reminded you of a place you had once called home. "C'mon then." You called out from deep within the room, pressing a few keys on the center control panel that controlled the setting of the room. Some days it was a beach on a far away planet, or the mountains of Gallifrey, but your favorite was the night skies of your home planet. A black canvas painted with so many stars that you had never been able to count them all. Planets you'd never been to, worlds he hadn't saved yet.

But it was home - _where it all began -_ and it was beautiful.  
  
The Doctor laid down in the bed a good distance away from you, his body aching with the desire to touch you and remind you of how much he adored you. You rolled on your side to face him, quirking an eyebrow as he turned towards you in return. No words were exchanged as you opened your arms, and he curled against you - legs entwining with your own as wandering hands sought out your own. You rested your chin on top of his head, closing your eyes as you ran your fingers through his hair. "Y/N," He said weakly. "When was the last time you performed telepathic bonding?"   
  
  It took you a moment to remember that specific night - when you'd been awoken by petrified screams and rough thrashing at your side only to find the man you loved in the midst of his usual night terrors. This one had been particularly bad, reducing him to a hysterical mess of tears and uneasy silence as you held him to your chest. He hadn't spoken about it for weeks afterward. "Right after you lost the Ponds. It was the only way I could get you to sleep without knocking you unconscious. Why?" He took your hand in his own as he shifted to lay on his back. Curiosity filled your expression as you propped yourself up on an elbow, chin dipped downward to stare into his eyes. "Are you afraid, Doctor?"   
  
 _Bang -_ Your hearts broke as he merely nodded in response, and it suddenly occurred to you why he rarely slept. Nightmares of his past, the ghosts of those he loved lurking around every corner, waiting to torment him.. It was not something he wished to relive behind closed eyelids. "Please." Pleading eyes met your own. "Rest your hand on my stomach. I'll do the rest."   
  
Your mind instantly shifted to a happier world. where the two of you were running off to Lord only knows where. But you were always  _together._  You felt The Doctor timidly enter the doors of your mind, memories of past lives you had lived barricaded by lock and key. The Time Lord gasped as the door nearest to him opened - and he found himself falling into memories of his Tenth self.. A time where you had been happiest. Where you had saved more then you had lost, and a time where he had still felt like The Doctor. It was meant as a gentle reminder. "I love you." You whispered into the darkness, twining your legs with his own as you gently rested your head in the crook of his shoulder.   
  
You could've swore you saw smile and whisper, "I love you too." Before you two fell into the deepest slumber you'd experienced in ages.


	5. Through The Fire, You Were There | Tenth

_Everything was burning. The people you loved was screaming, a scream so piercing that they nearly tore you apart. But still... still you pressed on as every soldier should._

Dried blood clouded your vision as you stumbled throughout the remains of Arcadia, Gallifreys second city, barely clinging on to life. You had lost your husband somewhere in the fires behind you, and as you looked back on Gallifreys inner city - You were certain he thought you were dead. You knew by your heart of hearts that the Doctor was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but were you? 

" _Don't stop for anything. Keep running, and I'll find you."_  
  
Hot tears trailed down the blood stains on your skin as you stumbled into the TARDIS repair shop, beelining for your family TARDIS that sat hidden away in a corner of the room. It had been a time ago that you'd last set foot in here at the Doctors side when the two of you had been in your earliest days of the Academy. "Take me anywhere but here." You screeched in dismay, punching in the unlock code before you stumbled into the control room.

The last thing you remembered seeing before you passed out on the floor was the center of your TARDIS emanating a soft golden glow before you were taken by the darkness of unconsciousness. But even through the fire,y _ou_ were still _breathing._  
  
****

Some time passed before you crossed paths with The Doctor again. After acclimating rather well you had grown used to the simplicity of London and had purchased yourself a flat - Even resorting to procuring a job with Torchwood and befriending Captain Jack Harkness. But that's a story for another time.

" _A second version of the Doctor? A bloody Time.." His eyes traveled up and down your body as you beamed with pride. "Lady. Good Lord... You're a Time Lady."_

 _"And you are.. a human. A very attractive human." You leaned forward and stood on your tiptoes, lips mere inches away from his own as your eyes flickered up to meet his heated gaze. "You smell of stardust.. and a certain Time Lord. A Time Lord I know very.. very well."_  
  
You had told Jack exactly who you were the day the two of you had met. Apparently he'd traveled with the Doctor for a short time before he'd been abandoned and left to die on some alien base. You'd befriended one another rather quickly, and before you knew it, he was the closest thing you had to family. Jack knew of the feelings you harbored for The Doctor and how the two of you had lost one another. He knew _you_ , and that was terrifying enough.

It was a chilled winter day in late January when you had decided to join Jack in a trip to the nearest park. He had seemed bothered about something when he'd called and refused to tell you over the phone which had brought you on this trip to begin with. Padded feet crunched against the new fallen snow, leaving imprints in the dust as Jack walked at your side. "Have you heard from The Doctor?" He murmured quietly, breaking the steady silence as he lightly bumped your shoulder with his own. 

"Not in quite some time, Ancient One." You mused in response as you two walked through the front gates of the park. Jack opened his mouth to respond when a  _vworp_ sound - one that brought hope - echoed through the park, and along with it came a beautiful blue box that materialized on the opposite side of the swing set. Your feet remained glued to the ground, paralyzed with both fear and wonder as you watched its inhabitant step out into the open. 

The sight of him was enough to sent your hearts into a frenzy. He was  _stunning._ With coiffed brown hair that gave a clear view of equally beautiful onyx eyes - eyes that seemed to stare into the depths of your very soul. He was dressed in a crisp brown suit with accompanying trench coat that brushed the ground as he walked.  _I know that face._  
  
 _I love that face._  
  
Too stunned to speak, you pressed your hands against your cheeks as tears ran down your cheeks Jack grinned widely as he coaxed you forward before you broke into a sprint across the park. Even after everything the two of you had been through, the endless years of  _pain_  and _suffering_ , he had come to find you just as he always said he would. 

 " _Y/N!_ " Your name fell off his lips in a desperate cry as he opened his arms wide, straightening his posture as you jumped into his arms and wrapped your legs around his waist. You nuzzled your face against his shoulder as he whispered words of affirmation in your ear, running your fingers through his soft locks.     
  
 "God help me, I _missed you_." You breathed against the shell of his ear, fingertips grazing his chiseled jawline as he sat you back on the ground. The Doctor beamed as he played with the edge of your beanie, nimble fingers curling around your hair as you wrapped your arms around his lean form. "I kind of like this body. It's.. rather sexy."   
  
His face reddened at your blunt observation. "I figured you'd love it." He replied. "It was kind of was based on you." Even with all the years that had passed, he still stared at you with such awe it made you feel like a love sick child again. "I feel like if I let you go, you're going to disappear and I'll be alone _again_ -" 

Your hearts ached at the crack in his voice, words spoken with such a raw emotion that made you wonder how long he'd been alone. Without his shimmering companions that kept that youthful light in his eyes, The Doctor was simply a man with a long and dangerous past - who could not take the silence of being alone - because it meant he had to deal with that past.  
  
The feeling of warm lips against yours pulled you from your trance as warm hands snaked around your waist. You squeaked at the sudden contact as you sank into the curve of his body. While the last version of The Doctor you had seen had been very much a gentleman, this incarnation was all hands and tongue. And it was  _glorious._

When you forced yourself to pull away from him, you were grinning from ear to ear. Your hearts were overflowing with happiness and adoration for the man before you, and you knew in that moment you were never leaving his side again. " _I love you_." You whispered, tucking a strand of hair back into place.   
  
  "I'm never letting you go again." He replied, his ancient eyes twinkling as he stepped away and snapped his fingers. "Now, wife." Your hearts stuttered as the TARDIS doors flew open and you were met with the sounds of the universe. "How would you like to run away with me?" 


	6. Flustered | Eleventh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleven gets flustered way too easily.

You keenly watched with a somewhat amused expression as The Doctor spun around his TARDIS console, emerald eyes bright with excitement and utter adoration as he studied your body. Each curve and crevice, the precise amount of freckles, the eighth of an inch between your two teeth when you didn't wear your retainers for the time you were supposed to. You were beautiful - and he was a love sick puppy. Don't let him tell you any different. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"   
  
You snorted lightly as you jumped down from the railing that surrounded the console room, fingers wrapping around his suspenders to snap the straps.  He yelped at the burn against his shoulders but continued to blush regardless. You never failed to bring a smile to his face and he was eternally grateful for it. "You have told me multiple times since we've been married, my love. Even when we're making-"   
  
"The TARDIS does not need to hear that!" The Doctor shrieked. You rose a perfectly curved eyebrow as he peeked around the other side of the console to gaze upon you again. His wife, dressed in a white sundress and oak colored boots with your y/h/c hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, exposing your stunning y/e/c eyes. "Now, what're your plans for today? Where do you want to go?"   
  
You tapped your chin in deep thought, pondering the list of planets that you had yet to go to. It was difficult to pick a place to fly off to when The Doctor had seen nearly every single one of them in his existence.  "Why don't we stay in? There's probably new rooms in the TARDIS I haven't seen yet.." You winked subtly and clung to the arm of his Victorian coat, lips lingering against his cheek. "Care to give me the grand tour, husband?"  
  
He grinned at you before kissing your forehead and leading you through the first hallway of the TARDIS. "Oy, wife, you want a piggyback ride?" He exclaimed. A melodic laugh burst past your lips as he hoisted you up onto his back and your slender arms wrapped around his neck. "You're heavy."   
  
"And you have a enormous chin. Way to get technical, Sherlock." He pouted as you leaned forward and briefly kissed his cheek. "Where too first?"   
  
He went room by room, showing you the mechanics of each and how some rooms just appeared by thought. There was a film room, a room made out of peanut butter, a aviary, a zoo, a pool.. "That pool is bloody enormous, isn't it?" He stated proudly. "And there's so much more.. The TARDIS even has a library, a room with 50 extra beds, and my bedroom.. Which hasn't been used in a while."   
  
You immediately jumped off his back as he came upon a royal blue door at the end of another hallway you hadn't seen before. "Is this entire hallway bedrooms?" You whispered, staring at the endless amount of multi colored doors.   
  
 _Sarah Jane Smith  
Susan  
Rose Tyler  
Clara Oswald  
Romana  
Ace  
Amy and Rory Pond  
River Song   
Donna Noble  
Martha Jones_  
  
He placed a hand on the small of your back and nodded sadly as you ran your fingers over the worn doors closest to you. "Companions clear from my granddaughter Susan all the way up to Clara, who you've met. Some of them I prefer to not speak of."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Some left because they had too, others left because they wanted too. Some died. I supposed in the end.. They all broke my hearts." You stood on your tiptoes and briefly brushed your lips against his before leading him into his bedroom. "It's a mess."   
  
Mess was an understatement, but at this point, you didn't care. "Eh, messy is hot." He squeaked as you ruffled his perfectly styled hair and snapped his suspenders again. "I could get used to this."  
  
His eyes lit up mischievously as his fingers started to move for your waist, where he knew you were extremely ticklish. You yelped as he started chasing around the room, the both of you laughing hysterically. His long, elegant fingers curled around your waist as he pulled you onto the bed, straddling his narrow waist. "You asked for it, Doctor."   
  
His pupils dilated as you ran your fingers up his shirt, carefully undoing each of the buttons. "Y/N-" he choked out, swallowing the lump in his throat. Bless, he was _nervous._ "You-Your hands are cold."   
  
  "Well, always a first time for everything." You whispered seductively, trying to contain your grin while your lips sucked on his earlobe. His hearts pounded through his skin as he turned his head, letting you captured his lips with your own. He hummed as you pried off his shirt, your own dress riding up as you leaned closer to him. "When you said you wanted to show me the bedroom," you gasped, gripping his brown locks as his lips descended onto your jaw. "Is this what you meant?"  
  
  "Not at all." He whispered against your lips, his fingers curling around your exposed thighs as he kissed you deeply. He screamed as you flipped your head back up, sending your unruly curls out of your now half ponytail and your fingers dug into his waist. "Do you want to beg for mercy yet?"   
  
You couldn't help but grin as his face reddened and he shook his head quickly. "N-No!" You lifted yourself off of his hips and stared at him with bright, mischievous eyes. He was so determined to win even though you could feel his entire body trembling beneath you. "Y/N-! I'm gonna-I'm gonna-"   
  
He was laughing so hard that he couldn't even form words. "C'mon husband, say it for me." You murmured lowly in his ear. " _I want mercy._ "   
  
  "MERCY!"   
  
You jumped off the bed as he inhaled a huge breath of air, sitting upwards with his shirt tail hanging open. "Believe me." You licked your lips hungrily as you stared at his toned torso, the curves of his arms all the way up to the smallest scar on his lips. "I could do much much worse things to you."   
  
  " _Y/N!_ "


	7. The Deep and Lovely Dark | Eleventh (Part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: You are the sister of Melody Pond, traumatized with the loss of your parents, but yet you still choose to stay with the Doctor while your grieving sister roams the Universe alone. Post TATM. Dark!Doctor. 11 is extremely OC here, but I imagine this is what he would do when he's this angry.

  
The final words of the late Amelia Pond echoed in your ears as you numbly entered the TARDIS, desperate to never gaze upon another graveyard again for the rest of your life. Usually it wasn't too incredibly difficult to simply blink memories out of existence, but you were more then aware that letting go of your mother would be the most challenging thing you had ever experienced.

" _My sweet girl, please t_ _ake care of him. Don't leave him alone. When the Doctor's angry, the Universe is in peril._ " You ran a hand through your hair and began flipping levers and twisting knobs on the TARDIS console, ears strained to hear the conversation taking place between your sister and The Doctor who sat on the stairs.   
 

 " _Travel with me?_ "   
  
  _"Wherever and whenever you want, Sweetie."_  
  
You had been jealous of River Song since the day you'd figured out she was your sister. While you'd gone into teaching Greek and Roman mythology (which your dad loved at the time, stupid Roman.) she'd ventured after archaeology and  _all the men on Luna chased after her._ With those big blonde curls and stunning blue eyes, and the brain that held all the secrets and spoilers and useless facts about useless junk, who else wouldn't lust after River Song? She was the complete opposite of you and she was  _perfect._ That was why the Doctor adored her. 

And that was why he never bat an eye at you.  
  
You screwed your eyes shut in a vain attempt to try and block out your self deprecating thoughts as the TARDIS took off into flight through the time vortex. Hearts aching inside your chest, you took several small steps up the stairs towards your parents old bedroom only to be stopped by the raging screams of a grieving Time Lord. Just as you had anticipated, River had left you alone to deal with his fury - and that was something that terrified you. The Doctor is not to be trifled with when he is in mourning, because that's when you see his demons at first glance.

And The Doctors demons? They're _vicious._

  You watched through glassy eyes as the Doctor fluently cursed in his native tongue, trembling hands bleeding as he pounded them against the TARDIS console. " _Stop!_ " You shrieked, clutching the railing as the TARDIS violently lurched to keep her thief from wounding her. "Doctor, you've got to stop it. _"_  
  
You had been onboard the TARDIS since the day your parents had gotten married without you and your sister present, traveling the universe with the Ponds and the ridiculous old man in the tweed coat. When The Doctor was truly in his element, saving entire races from a painful demise or blabbering on about the origins of a planet, you had never adored him more then in those moments. Those precious moments that lasted for such little time - those moments where he was _himself._ " _Why_?" He snapped, storming around the console to face you where you stood on the steps.  _"_ Please, Y/N, enlighten me. Tell me one good reason why I should stop it."   
  
Fear coursed through your veins as you stared down at those ancient, dark green eyes staring back at you. You were completely petrified of what the Doctor was capable of whenever he was angry. And with no parents to protect you, you knew that you were on your own. Taking a deep breath, you slowly stepped down. "Silence your demons for one night, old man. It just so happens that you _aren't_ the only person on this TARDIS who lost someone today." You snarled in reply. "And because taking your anger out on your TARDIS is going to hurt you more then you already have been."   
  
He seemed completely oblivious to the fact that not only were you a major in Mythology on most things including Gallifreyans, but you were the Ponds youngest daughter, and you were the only one who had stayed whenever everyone else was gone. "What, tell me, what have you ever done for _me?_ " He growled, gripping the fabric of your shirt in his hands to pull you chest to chest with him. "Have you saved planets? Tell me, could you have saved your parents from certain death?"   
  
All you could muster was a weak shake of your head and a whimper of, "N-No-"   
  
A sharp gasp broke past your lips as The Doctor then threw you hard against the staircase, causing you to cry out as you landed against your back. "Tell me, what good are you, Pond? You're not my wife, and you're certainly not a hero." Your heart sank as the realization smacked you hard across the face. You weren't a hero. You were just a girl who loved her history, with a jaw dropping sister who had stolen the hearts of this particular Time Lord. Never mind the times you had saved your parents during adventures, or when Melody sought you out in the night over her night terrors of the Silence.

You weren't a hero. You were you, and apparently that wasn't enough.

Your eyes widened as he glowered at you, accusing finger jabbing in your face as his nostrils flared with anger. "Get off my TARDIS _._ "   
  
 _All the deep and lovely dark.. we'd never see the stars without it.  
  
  ''_My parents would never want this for you!" You snapped angrily, regaining your strength as you slowly stood to face him. "They would want you to move on, knowing they're happy, and get over them _._ You're going to lose people because that is what life  _is_ Doctor. _Everyones_  loses people, and some people die."  
  
Bile nearly broke past your lips when the smack of a hand against skin caused your ears to ring, and you stumbled backward all the while clutching your burning cheek. You felt strong fingers grip your chin, bruising your fragile skin as the Doctor forced you to look at him. "Don't lecture me about losing people, Y/N Pond. You have no idea what it's like to lose people."   
  
  "You're right, I don't." You quickly wiped at your eyes, digging through your mums jacket fastened around your body for your old vortex manipulator, a gift from your ex boyfriend Captain Jack Harkness. "According to you, I evidently don't know anything, because it's not like I didn't go to school with my sister who everyone adored, for a degree in all mythology  _including_ Gallifreyan, you twat." His expression contorted to one of utter helplessness, green eyes softening as he watched you insert coordinates into your stolen vortex manipulator. "How utterly naive I am. I used to think you were such a hero, running around in a stolen blue box saving civilizations and rescuing those who needed to be saved." You held your head up confidently despite your bruised chin and your burning cheek. 

You were never going to forgive The Doctor for treating you like a rag doll simply because he was in mourning _. "_ And let me tell you something, you selfish old man, you're not the only one who is grieving.Next time I lose someone, I'll make sure you're the first to know, just so you can slap me around some more."   
  
  "Y/N-"  
  
  "Go to hell, Doctor."   
  
And with those bitter final words, you were gone - leaving a broken Time Lord alone on his ship and regretting every single choice he had made in that console room. Regretting ever treating Amelia Ponds daughter as if she were some play thing he could take his guilt and anger out on. But the worst part?

He had absolutely zero idea where you had gone.

 


	8. The Deep and Lovely Dark | Eleventh (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Same summary as Part I, but with more plot in this part!

There's a reason they call him  _The Man Who Regrets,_ and _The Man Who Forgets._ And right now, there's nothing he'd rather do then forget all of the cruel words he'd spat at you before you had vanished from the TARDIS.    

The Doctor sat blankly staring at the doorway of the TARDIS for days, almost as if he could actually expect you to return through those doors ever again. If any one of his companions who had traveled with him saw him now.. They would think they were seeing an apparition wandering about the console room. He could not find it in him to eat, tossed about when he attempted sleep, and every time he thought about you.. His chest constricted so tightly that he could barely breathe with knowing what he'd done to you. All that anger, that rage... He hadn't felt that way since taking the Ponds to Mercy all those months ago. He loathed himself for  _abusing_ the only good thing left in his life who would _stay_ because of how much she cared about him. 

 _You selfish, ignorant old man... Look at who you've become._  
The Doctor whispered soft words of a unspoken prayer those full two weeks he sat alone in his ship, absently drifting through the Time Vortex with only thoughts of your forgiveness at the forefront of his mind.

***  
  
A shriek of surprise broke past your lips as you materialized from thin air, hands braced downward to prevent your head from slamming against the floor of Captain Jack Harkness' office inside of Torchwood. "What the _he-_ " Jacks head snapped up at the sight of you, lips quirked upward into a wide grin that spread across his entire face. "Holy crap. Y/N?" You slowly lifted your head and flashed a smile at the Captain as he crossed the threshold to meet you, hands dug deep into the pockets of his trenchcoat that you loved so deeply. "Not that I'm not happy to see your gorgeous self.. but My god.. what happened to you? Why are you _here_?"   
  
Your response got caught in your throat as you cast your gaze to the floor, unwilling to let him see the damage The Doctor had inflicted. Jack bent down and scooped you up from the floor, crossing back into his office to lay you down on the sofa by his desk. You watched through blurred vision as he rummaged through the drawers of his desk for a med kit. "I was in Manhattan with The Doctor.. Well,  _my_ version of The Doctor. He hasn't seen you in hundreds of years. I just lost my parents to a weeping angel.." You murmured, your fingers ghosting over the laceration on your cheek from the slap the Doctor had given you. "I may have snapped on the Doctor, and he took out his anger on me." 

  
Jack quirked a eyebrow towards you before his eyes settled on your stomach. "Now normally I would say this without hesitating, but I actually need you to take off your shirt." A wicked smile crossed your face as he gently shrugged your jacket off your shoulders. "You have the telltales signs of someone who's more wounded then they claim. I should know.. I'm the king of it. Your back is going to need wrapped with gauze, and I need to examine your jaw and clean that cut on your face. Just do yourself a favor, take a deep breath and tell me what happened to you.''  
  
So that was how you found yourself lounging on Captain Jack's couch in the middle of the night, silent tears streaming down your face as you recanted the tragedy of The Angels Take Manhattan. You only briefly mentioned River Song's disappearance, and the Doctor basically smacking you around so someone else would feel his _anguish._  Your hearts ached for him - to reach out and hold him against you as you whispered your forgiveness in his ear - but after what he'd done, you didn't know if you could. "I may or may not have told him he can go to Hell." 

Jack snorted lightly as he removed a roll of gauze and motioned for you to lift your arms. "I'm not even remotely surprised. I've met River Song on more then one occasion. You have the same temper she does."   
  
You sharply inhaled as you felt the gauze make contact with your bruised back, but not before Jack ran a feather light kiss upon the deep purple bruises that were blossoming there. "Please Jack," You whispered, curling your fingers around the cushions as you met his gaze. "What do I  _do?_ "   
  
Jack took a deep breath as he handed you back your teeshirt and carefully helped you maneuver it back onto your trembling form. "Once upon a time, Y/N.. I used to be a different man then I am now. I wasn't immortal before I started traveling with The Doctor. And when I watched Rose fall in love with him.. I somehow knew that she was taking on the burdens of a weary old man with the blood of thousands on his hands. He has lost so many people, watched planets burn at his own hands. I don't know about this current incarnation, but if he didn't hide behind the shining companions and the jokes and the quirky outfits.. I think he'd hang himself." Your breathing hitched at the thought, which you immediately pushed into the back of your mind. The Doctors darkness was not something you wanted to think about,

"He simply cannot go on alone. That man will take anyone in if it means he gets to show them the Universe. That's what he did to me, made me a better man by traveling with him and Rose."  _Whoever she was._ "I don't think he would purposefully hurt you.. But who knows. He's regenerated since I saw him last."   
  
How cursed you were. Cursed to love an ancient being with more blood on his hands then drops in the ocean. Every part of you loved The Doctor so much that it physically hurt to witness your memories of your adventures with him behind your eyes. Those precious, fragile times where he'd actually take the time to gaze at you and beam like a child on Christmas, pulling along your mum and dad as you ran from the threat. The fact of the matter was that The Doctor was your hero. And more importantly.. He was your home. "I-I love him, Jack-k." You blubbered, pressing a hand against your mouth as the Captain gently pulled you into his arms.   
  
  "Sh, sweetheart, I know you do. It's okay."   
  
Laying in a spare cot that night, you could hear Gwen murmuring to Tosh down the hallway about something in particular, but you couldn't sleep no matter how hard you tried. Staring at the ceiling, you suddenly felt a memory you hadn't thought about in a long time seep into your head. (This memory takes place before 6x13, The Wedding Of River Song.)  
  
 _It had been a long day bickering with the people of Alaxica and trying to negotiate a peace treaty, which had end up with both of your parents babbling on in some fake language just to keep the Queen distracted. Now Amy and Rory slept on deep inside the TARDIS, leaving you alone amidst the silence in the console room.  It was only when you heard the sound of footsteps echoing in the halls that you looked away from the time rotor. "Doctor?"_  
  
You could never forget the glitter of starlight in his eyes, or the way he smiled at you like you were more beautiful then the universe. _"Hello Song. Won't you come sit with me? We don't do this nearly enough." You hesitantly sat down beside the Time Lord, resting your chin on top of your knees as your y/e/c eyes gazed at the Medusa Cascade spread before you. "I've been feeling philosophical tonight, so I put 'er in the Cascade. I never get tired of seeing this."_  
  
  "You? Philosophical? I didn't think that was humanly possible."   
  
He shrugged and turned his body just enough to look at you, his Song, staring out into the Universe. Even though he knew River Song meant something to him in his future, he was so entranced by how different you were from her. You didn't have a desire to kill, you didn't make his enemies beg for mercy, because they already knew how powerful you were just by hearing your name. Y/N Song, The Doctor's Backup. Tempest. Pure chaos, and he loved it.

_But he'd never be able to tell you, because he was River Songs. He was betrothed to your sister, destined to fall in love with the woman who would eventually be his downfall. And because of that, he was going to have to push you away. It was for your own protection._

_"A poem by a great man, Robert Frost, who may I add nearly got married to a Slitheen-"  
  
 "Doctor, the point if you would."   
  
Little did you know that the next twelve words he spoke would drift through your mind forever, engraved in your memory like a brand you would be unable to rid yourself of. "The deep and lovely dark, we'd never see the stars without it." Your body tensed when you felt his fingers lace with yours, scooting close enough just to be able to rest his head on your shoulder. "See, deep!"   
  
  "Shut up, Bowtie." _  
  
You knew in that moment that regardless of how much he hurt, or the weight of guilt he held upon his shoulders, The Doctor needed you and you needed him too. He was your sanctuary, your hero, your protector, and your best friend. " _Jack!"_  
  
The ex-time agent sprinted into the room just as you began rifling through his desk, beaming despite the pain that seared through your wrist as you slapped the vortex manipulator onto your good wrist. "Where-where are you going!?"

You laughed breathlessly as you inputted the TARDIS coordinates into the manipulator and took one last look at the man in front of you before smiling wide enough for your cheeks to ache. "Captain.. I'm going home."   
  
When you found yourself back in the console room. The Doctor had fallen asleep on the Captains Chair at the opposite side of the console. A soft smile caressed your bruised features as you knelt down beside the Time Lord and ran your fingers through the fringe that hung over his eyes. "Y/N?" He cried out, gripping your hand in his own as he fought through yet another nightmare.   
  
You bent your head to brush your lips against his cheek, fingertips grazing the frame of his jaw as you watched his eyes flutter open. The moment his piercing emeralds met your own - The Doctor broke out and wept. You made no move to resist the pull into his lap, nuzzling your face against his neck before it fell into the crook of his shoulder. "The deep and lovely dark," You whispered against the shell of his ear. " _W_ _e'd never see the stars without it._ " 

 "I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to push you away-Please-" You pulled yourself away from his embrace and rested your forehead against his, fingers pressed against the warm curve of his jaw. His eyes studied the smoothness of your skin, the color of your eyes and the curve of your smile, but his favorite thing about you was the way you looked at him. With utter adoration and unconditional surrender.   
  
  "When I'm with you,  _there's no place I'd rather be._ " You whispered. " _And when I look at you, I know I'm home._ "

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At some point I will be opening up requests for 10-13. So if you have one and would like to see it written (I also do dual Doctors, those oneshots are fun!) Feel free to drop a comment and I'll add it to my list!


	9. Handsy | Eleventh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Eleven takes you and the Ponds to a ballroom dance and runs into a version of 10 that you know rather... intimately. 10- post Journey's End but before The End Of Time. Eleven- Post Pandorica.

A temporal rift in the fabric of space time. Ponds and Rivers. Petite lady named Clara Oswald.  _Him. The tenth version of himself._ You had spent months, even years traveling the stars with The Doctor. Fact of the matter was, you adored him even after all the time you'd spent together. You were in love with the stars themselves. 

One of your favorite memories of traveling with the Time Lord was when you'd first realized the feelings he harbored for you. It was well into the morning, or what you considered morning on the TARDIS, and he was eagerly bouncing around the console like a child on a sugar high. "Ponds! Y/N! You need to get dressed! We're all going to a dance!" His eyes traveled up and down your body as you playfully swayed your hips, taking notice of the way his jaw dropped as you ventured towards the closet. 

Amelias eyes lit up as she drug an irritated Rory back down the hallway towards their bedroom, ignoring his pleas to let him go. Walking into the giant closet full of memories and eccentric outfits had you aching for his tenth self - the one who kissed you and told you how brilliant you were on a regular basis. You could still smell his cologne that lingered on the brown trench coat he'd worn.   
  
Picking an outfit was going to be difficult, going by the amount of ballgowns and party dressed that lined the inside of his closet. Your fingers brushed over the fabric of a deep red ballgown. With the shape of your figure and bright eyes, and the way The Doctor ogled you in every outfit you wore, you were sure that it would compliment you nicely. You beat your record of half an hour by getting ready in twenty minutes, taking one last look at yourself in the mirror before snatching your heels and bounding back toward the console room.   
  
It was impossible to resist laughing at the sight of The Doctor when you entered the console room. He was still slack jawed at the very sight of you, eyes large enough that you thought they'd fall out of his head. You looked him up and down in the signature purple overcoat - His newest addition in replacement of the tweed. ( _I love this outfit in s7)_ "Oy, soldier, eyes up." You mused, positioning a finger under his chin and lifting it so he could look at you. "You look stunning, may I add. I _like_ that outfit."   
  
He blushed madly and ran a hand through his fringe, parting it from his eyes to take a much more thorough look at you, You reached outward and took his arm in your own, trailing your fingers down his arm to link through his. "To say you look stunning would be an understatement. You look...  _more beautiful then the stars._ " Red spread across your cheeks, accenting your freckles as you pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Ponds! Are you done yet?!"   
  
Amy and Rory emerged from the hall at the same time. The redhead wore a strapless white gown made of lace, her hair freely cascading over the curve of her shoulders. Rory looked more dapper then ever in his newest black tuxedo. "In all my years... I never thought I'd tell the Roman he looked good in a tuxedo. Nicely done Amelia." You grinned wickedly at the red head who threw a wink back at you in return.  
  
  "I know. I can't _wait_ to get undressed later."   
  
The four of you emerged from of the TARDIS together, heels clicking against the concrete as you ventured down the sidewalk towards a grand building further down the street. You curiously peered through the darkness, keen on getting a better view of the London eye at the opposite side of the street. People dressed in formal wear bustled about the sidewalks, chattering eagerly as they went about their day. "We're in Earth London? Are you kidding me right now, Bowtie?"   
  
He tenderly ran a thumb over your knuckles before motioning to the building you were walking towards. "Not modern London, sweetheart. Queen Elizabeth the First's London." A breathtaking grin spread across your face as you remembered that the last version of himself had spoken highly of the Queen, and since then, you'd been dying to meet her.   
  
  "Well come on then! I want to meet the bloody Queen of England!"   
  
Trying to enter the building was like trying to navigate through a sea of endless people. You marveled at the contrasts of red, gold, white, green, and silver gowns that seemed to swirl around you in a mirage of color. The Doctor instantly went on the defense at all the men fawning over you, resting his hands protectively set on your hips as you walked to the middle of the ballroom. "Would you care to dance with me, y/n y/m/n?"   
  
You smiled softly and nodded, taking his hand in your own as the two of you coalesced into the dance. The way your heart pounded against your chest as he stared at you with his intoxicating green eyes was unlike anything you'd ever felt before. You'd never been in love in your twenty some years of being alive, but you were almost sure that  _this_ was love.   
  
You found yourself in a trance at the haunting clash of the cello and violin, keenly aware of The Doctors lingering hands on your hips as you weaved in and out of the crowd of people. It was only when he went to spin you that you spun out of his grasps and clashed into another man who was dancing with someone else. Your heart stopped at the familiar scent that lingered on the trench coat he wore, onyx eyes gleaming beneath the quaff of dark hair you used to love running your hand through. "Oh my-"   
  
  "Y/N!" The Doctor exclaimed, grinning as he picked you up and spun you around in his arms. "Wait-Weren't you just in the bathroom? You left not five minutes ago!"  
  

"We've been here then?" You questioned in reply, shifting uncomfortably as you felt the jealousy radiating off of the current body of The Doctor standing behind you with his arms crossed. Being a time traveler was hard enough work when you had to deal with not one, but  _two_ different incarnations of The Doctor. 

 "Ah, no, sorry. I'm getting my days all mixed up. That's normal. You're currently sick inside the TARDIS. Some sort of alien flu.." Ten replied. Your heart stuttered as the words died on his lips, his eyes flickering between your own and your mouth as he bent down and captured your lips in his own. You sank into the familiarity of his embrace and allowed your hands to wander through his hair, much to the displeasure of Eleven. You missed this, feeling so secure and so adored. Quite frankly, you missed  _him._ "So how'd you get in here? Looking so-"   
  
  "Beautiful? I know. I picked out the gown." Despite the fact it was a blatant lie, Eleven growled out his response as he pulled you into his arms and wrapped them tightly around your waist. "Keep your hands off her, Sandshoes."    
  
  "Doctor, meet your future self." You muttered in annoyance as you blow a loose curl out of your face. "Doctor, you already know your past self."  _The one who regrets, and the man who forgets._ "Now please, stop being jealous of each other. I can feel the sexual tension in here."   
  
The Ponds were mingling with the party goers on the floor above the ballroom, drinks in hand as they keenly watched the dancing going on below. "Oy, who's Y/N talking to with the Doctor? He looks.." Amy nearly spewed wine as she sat her glass down on the landing. "By God Rory, he looks  _jealous!_ "   
  
Watching The Doctor bicker with himself, prompted by his jealousy, was probably the funniest thing you had witnessed in a long time. "So you're me in the future?" Ten deadpanned, leaning forward to examine himself through the thick black glasses that sat on his nose. "Blimey, still not ginger, am I? Although you are quite a bit shorter then I am. Whenever Y/N first started traveling with me in the TARDIS-"   
  
  "She was ginger until she dyed her hair." Eleven snapped. "I know. I lived it. Now do  _us a favor,_ and go back to your TARDIS and fly away. You had your chance with her, now it's my turn."   
  
  "Bloody jealous in that body too." Laughter broke past your lips as Ten leaned forward and brushed a tentative kiss against your forehead. The longing in his eyes and the yearning to continue touching you was enough of a indicator how long it had been since he'd done so. "I'll see you later y/n y/l/n. Miss ya." And with those words he was gone, disappearing into the crowd and out of sight.   
  
It had taken you up until that moment to realize just how much you missed him too. "You know," Eleven whispered in your ear, turning you by your hips so you were face to face. You took that moment in the silence of your mind to look at him, to look at  _The Doctor -_ to see him for who he really was. "I'm him, and he's me. I'm  _right in front of you,_ Y/N. You just have to see me."   
  
You brought your hands up to his face, pulling him against your body for a deep kiss. He whimpered against your mouth despite his flailing limbs as you ran your hands up his chest to tangle in his hair. "I can see you," You whispered into his mouth, resting your forehead against his as the two of you swayed back and forth to the music. "And I love you." 

Part of you wished that he had the courage to say it back, but you hadn't come to know this body well enough yet. The Doctor was terrified of falling in love if it meant he'd come to lose that person he'd given his hearts to. His eyes spoke what his lips couldn't. "Doctor!" The two of you turned together as the Ponds came stumbling down the stairs, their breath reeking of wine. "Who was that hot bloke with the spiky hair? You were looking awful handsy.. I need to meet him and thank him!"   
  
The two of you laughed, following the two drunk Ponds out onto the street and back to the TARDIS. You went to sleep that night curled up in the Doctors arms, his heartbeats lulling you into the darkness of sleep.


	10. The Lion Versus The Lamb | Tenth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of Rose hate in this one. For those of you who aren't aware, she is my least favorite Companion. If you do like her, might wanna skip this one.

Of all the things, of all the _people_ to forget... How could The Doctor  _forget you?_ The one man you'd risked falling in love with during your days at the Academy, who married you and somehow left you for dead on Gallifrey. Not to mention to fend for yourself against the Daleks. So with the wind at your back and the world spread out before you, you ran. So fast and so far, keeping the new name that the Council had given you close to your heart.  
 

 _Shadow._  
  
You were determined after the days of the Time War to become one with the shadows. No one to know your face, who you were, who you had once been. No one in Earth London would recognize the shell of the woman who had once been the Doctors Wife. On the rarest of occasions did you sneak into the TARDIS, watching from the catwalks as he lived his life beside a blonde girl. A _human._ And a fairly young one, at that. It seemed to be a common pattern after the Time-War; Taking up young Earth girls with promises of a Universe to behold and fashioning them into weapons of his own making.   
  
Rose Tyler.  _Rose._ Your husband spoke her name as if she were a song that had not yet been sung, a prayer that had yet to be whispered into the darkness. Many nights were spent in the corners of the console room, watching from afar as The Doctor stroked the console and whispered to her as Rose slept on deep within the TARDIS.   
  
Despite the blood on your hands and the war stories that lingered in your eyes, you had never wanted to kill anyone more then the puny human he cared so much for. Rose Tyler had no idea who The Doctor really was, let alone where he'd come from or what sins he'd committed.The man acted like there was no one in his life besides her, like he hadn't left his wife to die on Gallifrey. You wanted to resent him, to loathe him, to  _hate his existence._ But you couldn't, because your hearts ached for him to love you back as he once had.   
  
And so again you left. It was better this way.   
  
You traveled the Universe alone, nearly got eaten by a slitheen, met Queen Elizabeth I ( _who had alot to say about her husband The Doctor)_ , a remarkable painter named Vincent Van Gogh, saved the lives of a bunch of Vikings. If the Doctor had been there to witness your adventures, he would've been so incredibly  _proud_ of you. The next time you saw him in person, The Doctor had regenerated - and he was maddeningly beautiful.

No matter his body, his face... Those eyes were always the same.  
A low groan broke past your lips as your vortex manipulator materialized you in the center of the TARDIS, where The Doctor and Rose were in the midst of a conversation. "Doctor! You've got a lot of explaining to-" The sound of her voice made you freeze in your place as you looked up to meet a pair of confused blue eyes and a stunning pair of ancient brown ones. "Do. Who on Earth is this, and why does she look like she wants to kill me?"

You grit your teeth from behind closed lips as the Timelord knelt down to your level, slowly tilting his head to the side as you stared at one another. Your stomach clenched at the sight of Rose who could not seem to keep herself from touching The Doctor. You didn't know her - you really didn't care to - but based off of her body language and the way she gazed at you, almost as if you were the enemy, every warning flag stood to attention. Every single one of his companions... Destined to fall in love with a selfishly beautiful old man who fell from the stars.  
 

None of them would be able to fulfill that dream of traveling with the Doctor forever. Humans were finite. That was the curse of being a Time Lord.. having to watch your human companion turn to ash before your very eyes. But not you. You were the only one in the Universe who could live at his side forever.

" _Oh Rose, you're just the Lamb who's afraid to look at the big, bad lion."_  
  
The Doctor snapped to attention as you lunged with the intention of rendering her unconscious, if not give her a well placed bruise so she'd know who he really belonged to. Warm hands harshly gripped your shoulders and stood you upright to look him dead in the eye. Your hearts skipped a beat as you caught sight of _The Doctor_  lingering deep within those brown eyes of his. "Oy, stranger!" He snapped, drawing you from your trance. You recoiled and stepped away from him, dusting your clothes off as you did so. "Who do you think you are, going and hitting an innocent woman?"  
  
Your breathing hitched in your chest as realization washed over you - the hostility in his expression, as if he really wasn't aware of your true identity. Cold eyes flickered down to the pair of linked hands that rested against the outside of his thigh, and the way Rose hid behind him as if The Doctor were a shield meant to protect her.

Bitter laughter bubbled past your lips as you turned towards the door, murmuring in Ancient Gallifreyan to the TARDIS as a way of reassuring the box that you still loved her despite the choices of her thief. Casting one last glance over your shoulder, you managed to utter a single word in your native tongue before sprinting out into the darkness of the night.  

The Doctor recognized the words before you were even out the door. 

_Hello husband._

"Doctor! What- What did she say?!"

"Oy! Come back 'ere!" He yelled, The night air caressed your skin as you ran down the street as far from the TARDIS as possible, stopping only in the middle to catch the breath you'd lost.  You lifted your head for a fraction of second long enough to gaze at the wide brown eyes a hundred feet away from you, mouth poised in a scream as bright headlights flashed in your vision, and everything was suddenly bathed in darkness.   
  
***  
  
The Doctor ran into the street as the woman went airborn from the impact of the car that had hit her, slamming into the pavement and falling unconscious. " _Doctor!"_ He ignored the cries of his companion as he loomed over the unconscious woman, eyes peeled for the familiar Gallifreyan insignia tattoo at the base of her neck. "Are you going to tell me who she is?"

It was a different tattoo then the last time he'd seen you, but the name still rang in his ears. Y/N. _Shadow._ The Doctor knew. The longer he stared at your form, slumped against his body with your y/h/c hair spilling over your shoulder, the more he grew familiar to who you were. "M-My wife." He spoke, shock evident in his expression as he gently pushed back his companion and jogged towards the TARDIS infirmary. "She's my  _wife._ "  
  
  "Since when were you _married?"_  
  
Her words rang out clearly in his mind from when you'd spoken to Rose earlier.  _"Oh Rose, you're just the Lamb who's afraid to look at the big, bad lion."_ He should've known in that moment that it was you. Back on Gallifrey, you had been the lamb, and he had been the lion. _Oh, the tables have turned._  
  
  "Since Gallifrey, even before The Time War. I was so convinced she was dead so I left her alone to fend for herself.." His voice broke as he rested his head against your stomach, fingers clutching the wedding ring that was attached to the chain around your neck. "I'm sorry Y/N.. I'm so sorry.."  
  
Rose left the Doctor alone that night and went to sleep, unaware of the breaking Timelord she had left in the infirmary.    
  
***  
  
You willed your eyes to flutter open the next morning, greeted with the bland colors of what looked to be an infirmary. The air smelled of clean linens and antiseptic, and the entire room was silent albeit the soft sounds of breathing somewhere to your right. You turned your head just enough to gaze at The Doctor, who had fallen asleep at your bedside overnight.

Your fingers crept along the sheets of your bed until they linked with his own, squeezing just hard enough to draw his attention to you. The moment his eyes met your own, everything came crashing down at once. 

 " _I remember._ " He desperately clawed for a hold on your teeshirt as you rested your forehead against his own, reveling in the familiarity of his touch that you had been craving so long. But not a moment longer.. because now you were home. " _I remember."_  
  
~


	11. Behind Blue Eyes | Twelfth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twelve does not cope well with the death of River Song.

Soft gold auras radiated through the sheer curtains of your living room as you sat upon the sofa, notebook poised in front of you and guitar in hand. You absently plucked away at the nylon strings as the lyrics to the haunting melody of a song you'd been working on for the past six months emanated against the walls of your flat. Since you'd been accepted in as a college music major, your parents had willingly allowed you to move to London to attend GuildHall School of Music and Drama.

_You are going to do amazing things, Y/N._

There were pros and cons to being a musician - but there were also perks to living right in the center of London. It meant that The Doctor making an impromptu entrance was much more likely to happen at any given time. That stranger - that _impossible_ mystery - was all you had heard about from the locals since arriving. This phenomenal _hero_ , who traveled the universe in a blue box and flirted like he owned the place. "Well Tiger," You said quietly, y/e/c eyes meeting that of the tabby cat perched on your windowsill. "Even though I've never met the man, maybe one day.. Maybe The Doctor will come to call."    
  
It was the following night when you were walking off the tube and onto the street that you noticed the faint glow of the blue police box tucked away in the nearest alleyway. You rose an eyebrow and shouldered your guitar case, hurrying across the street and out of sight. Your heartbeat sped up as you allowed your fingers to graze the wood of the blue Police Box, but before you could marvel at its beauty, the doors flew open and you were greeted by the brightest pair of eyes you'd ever seen. "Ah, another nosy human. Tell me, do you fancy an adventure?"    
  
You pursed your lips and looked the man up and down, eyes narrowed as you study each detail of his expression. He was quite a bit older then you, with bright blue eyes that seemed to stare straight through you and curly silver hair that brushed the nape of his neck. "Are you the Doctor?" You murmured, twisting a strand of hair around your finger. "I thought you'd be...  _younger."_  
  
His mouth curled into an indignant snarl as he jabbed a thumb in your shoulder. "I'll have you know.. I _am_ younger! And you.. I thought you'd be English! You're American!"   
  
  "Well, obviously that's not much of a shocker. I was born in California and moved to London to attend Guildhall Schoolof Music. But I asked you a question, old man. Are you the Doctor?" He nodded firmly and stepped aside to allow you to see the console room of the TARDIS. "The police box is bigger on the inside."   
  
  "Ah, now there's the comment I never get tired of hearing." He mused, eyes shining as the doors snapped shut and the TARDIS whirred to life. "Now,  _American,_ I believe you probably have a name. Care to tell me it?"   
  
  "Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N." You replied, still marveling at sheer majesty of the TARDIS console room as you set your guitar case down by the door. "This place is amazing.. But I bet there's more to see then what's inside this box."   
  
Given that this incarnation was not one for intimacy or wonder or _anything_ like his previous body, The Doctor found it difficult to embrace the awe he carried toward you. You reminded him of a younger version of River Song - Doe eyed and mischievous, but nonetheless yearning to see what was beyond those doors. Thinking about the wife he'd lost made his hearts ache so painfully that his entire chest constricted, but he pushed it deep down and kept his gaze locked on you. A new distraction from the guilt that was sure to consume him. "There's whole universes and whole new worlds that are just waiting to be discovered." He exclaimed as he slammed multiple levers down on the console. "And you are going to see them all, Y/N Y/L/N."   
  
***  
A Year Later  
  
After a while of traveling together, you and The Doctor had ultimately come to the conclusion that a sit in day within the TARDIS was necessary on occasion, and with all the time you'd spent inside the Library today - You had yet to see him grace your presence. Not in the console room, not searching for snacks in his kitchen, and not in his study. So you'd taken advantage of the silence and travelled to the console room to finish perfecting your newest song. A song you'd written in the shadows of the console room before boarding the ship permanently. The Old Girl had taken it upon herself to dim the lights around you to match the somber mood, and it had helped your concentration tremendously as your fingers became stained with the scrawled ink on the pages beneath you. 

You remained blissfully unaware to just how much the Time Lord was taken with you. He'd grown attached from the first trip, _stupid Time Lord,_ when you had somehow managed to talk your way out of getting burnt at the stake during the Salem Witchcraft Trials. He'd greatly admired your bravery and sheer intelligence, and from that point on, the two of you had become close. He'd saved you. You'd saved _him_. It was a pattern that constantly went in circles that neither of you two dared to approach each other about - case in point, the wedding ring that never seemed to leave his finger.  
  
 _No one knows what it's like, to be the bad man_  
  
Your ears perked at the sound of footsteps stumbling down the hall that lead towards the console room, and you lifted your head from where you sat on the railing to see a figure coming towards you with a bottle loosely held in his fingers.  
  
 _To be the sad man_  
  
  "Doctor? Are you alright?"  You called out reluctantly, continuing to strum the chords to  _Behind Blue Eyes_ which, as you went through it, seemed to match your companions situation rather well. "Please talk to me."   
  
 _Behind blue eyes_  
  
  "I-" His speech was nearly incoherent, slurred by the effects of the alcohol he'd consumed. It was only when he was standing before you that you realized that he'd consumed half of the bottle. Piercing blue eyes narrowed in on your form sitting on the railing, feet dangling over the side and guitar in hand. "You're not River Song-!"   
  
 _No one knows what it's like to be hated  
  
  _"No, I'm not your wife.. I'm Y/N. We've been traveling a while."   
  
  "Humans." He snarled, gulping down more of the amber liquid. "I _hate_ humans. How finite they are. They always die."   
  
 _To be faded.. To telling only lies  
  
  _You swallowed down the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes as you set your guitar back into its case. "You-You don't hate me." You murmured cautiously, yearning to reach out and graze the sleeve of his coat with your fingertips. "We're _friends, Doctor._ You saved me, and I saved you. Remember?"   
  
He growled deep in his throat and shoved you out of the way, stalking around the console with a look of vengeance. "You're not _RIVER SONG!_ " He shouted, oblivious to how you flinched at the rage in his voice. Being yelled at was nothing new to you, since your ex boyfriend from California had done it enough to where it almost seemed like a hobby."You're not _Clara_ either. You're just  _you._ "   
  
 _But my dreams they are as empty_  
  
A sudden memory to your first week on the TARDIS flashed before your eyes. You were sitting on the stairs playing while the Doctor grieved and basically remained oblivious to your presence the entire time. At the time, you hadn't known about River Song so you didn't understand why he was so closed off. Listening to you play had calmed him down rather easily. "You've told me stories about the man who regrets." You murmured, carefully sitting down about five steps away from him just in case he were to lash out. "And the man who forgets. You're still a person, and you still have a conscience. The conscience of a _good_ man. An honorable man. Please-"   
  
 _As my conscience seems to be_  
  
 A strangled yell broke past his lips before he launched the bottle in his hands above your head, the glass shattering against the book case. You nervously swallowed the lump in your throat and buried your head in your hands. Competing with ghosts was difficult enough, but how do you fix what's irreparable? How do you love, whether familial or romantic, a man who believes he is unworthy of it? "SHUT UP!" He exclaimed, jabbing a thumb at you. "Have you ever lost someone, Y/N? A wife that thought you never loved her? Well,  _I did._ And I never told her it enough. You deserve a better life then dealing with a selfish old man. Just pack your things and _go_."

" _No._ " Silent tears trickled down your cheeks as you shakily picked up your guitar once again and started to play. "I'm not going anywhere, you stupid old man." You breathed, lyrics flowing through your head as the chords began to echo against the walls. "But I'm not about to lose you as my first."   
  
He collapsed to his knees and tightly wound his fingers through his hair, choosing to focus on the lull of your voice as you sang. The voice of a woman who loved him with all of her heart. You remained rooted in your place as the words flowed past your lips to the broken man who laid on the floor, hearts spilled out and tears staining his skin. 

 _No one knows how to say that they're sorry_  
No worries  
I'm not telling lies..   
  
\-------


	12. Truth | Eleventh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that these are fairly basic prompts, but please don't forget to leave a comment or kudos when you love something! Let me know what you think. It's what keeps me motivated!

_Burning. Endless burning. Screams. Flying Robots.. Daleks. Then an old man, who stood at the eye of the storm, destruction at its finest._  
  
You'd been sent away from the front lines of the Time War as a way to keep yourself safe, memory wiped by the Timelords and left alone as a human on planet Earth. Every night that you lay awake in bed, you could never seem to stop thinking about that man who haunted your dreams, or the little silver pocketwatch that hung on your dresser across the room.   
  
 _Burning, endless burning._  
  
Every morning that you would wake from yet another nightmare, you'd picture the face of that same man who kept telling you to wait. But it was the same recurring question - Wait for _what?_ Fact of the matter was... He was handsome. Spiked brown hair, stunning brown eyes, a smile that made your knees weak. You wanted to meet him and thank him for everything he had done for you.  
  
Out of the blue one night, something had possessed you to open up that watch - and all your memories came flooding back at once. Memories of better days as a child running through the red grasses of a planet called Gallifrey. The day you were sent to the Academy, and you fell head over heels for a boy who was called Theta.  
  
  " _I love you."_  
  
  "I know."   
  
You sat on your floor during the moments after and wept. Wept for the days where you weren't the last of your kind, wept for your home, wept for yourself. Until you heard the sounds of the Universe echoing against your walls, and a blue box materialized in the living room of your flat. The doors to the box flew open, and you found yourself staring at a man with emerald green eyes and accompanying purple overcoat. 

Too slackjawed and tongue tied to talk, the stranger knelt at your side and tilted your chin upward so the two of you were eye to eye. " _Hello Y/n,_ " He murmured, lips parting to reveal a stunning smile accompanied with eyes so sad, so heavy,  _so ancient._ "I always told you I'd come back for you, didn't I?"   
  
Hot tears trickled down your cheeks as you gripped the lapels of his overcoat and yanked him toward you, slanting your mouth against your own. You grinned widely at the feeling of his arms flailing at his sides until warm fingers came to tangle in his hair. ''I hate you." You muttered, his breath ghosting your lips as you pulled away and punched him square in the chest. "I hate you so much." You wrapped your arms around his neck and allowed him to hoist you from the floor.

  " _I know._ " He replied, pressing a kiss to your temple and snapping his fingers which caused the TARDIS doors to fly open. "But now that we're together again, I can take you anywhere and everywhere. So, tell me, Y/N.. Do you want to see the  _universe_ with an thief?"   
  
  "I wouldn't want anything else, Doctor."   
  
And show you the universe, he did.

 


	13. "Horseback? Are you serious?" | Twelfth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twelve makes it abundantly clear that he doesn't like horses, or riding them. You're a bit more amused at the fact he can speak horse then his utter hatred of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based off a real place in my life.

The whir of the time engine roaring to life in your ears, you slammed down a lever on the TARDIS console as she took off for the place you had inputted coordinates for. The Doctor poked his head around the corner and frowned as you grinned at him widely. "Y/N?" He quipped, his clear Scottish accent ringing through the console room. "Where are we going?"   
  
You had quickly taken notice of how _empty_ he had seemed since losing the girl he couldn't remember, but that didn't mean you had forgotten about her. _Clara._ You figured that to bring him back to his old, cranky self you would have to do something so over the top that he'd be _forced_ to complain about it. "I thought that we both could use some time off, so I put in coordinates for a very special place I think you'll like." He rose an eyebrow and attempted to peer over your shoulder, but not before you retaliated by smacking his hands away. " _Seriously?!_  No peeking, old man!"   
  
The Doctor grumbled under his breath and crossed his arms over his chest, awaiting for the familiar sound that came with the TARDIS landing at her destination. When it finally did, you flashed that signature grin that made his hearts melt and took off out the door without a second thought. It had been so long since you'd been horseback riding, and you were  _dying_ to see how well the Doctor performed. He had told you stories of where he'd ridden before, but it had been a era ago when he was younger and had been traveling with  _Amelia Pond,_ whoever she was. "Come on, Doctor! You need this!"   
  
You took a moment to breathe in the familiar Pennsylvania air that had always encompassed this camp. The smell of freshly cut grass, the knicker of horses being groomed in the stable, the warmth of the sunshine against your skin. This camp had been your safe-haven, your sanctuary, once upon a time.

Why would you not want to share that with the Doctor?

You patiently stood in front of the stables and gazed at the TARDIS, waiting for him to emerge from the box. When he finally did, you were forced to bite down on your lip to prevent yourself from laughing. He actually looked... _nervous. "_ Horseback riding?" He deadpanned, hot on your heels as you opened the gates that lead to the stables. "Are you serious?"

You nodded eagerly and plucked a halter off of the peg while heading towards the last stall on the right, directly beside the tack room. "It's been  _years_ since I've stepped foot here, Doctor. They call this  _Shekinah,_ the place where God's glory dwells. I was good friends with the owner so he won't mind if we do this." You grinned from ear to ear as the paint horse in front of you,  _Liberty,_ opened his eyes and stepped forward to the stall door. "Hey Lib, it;s been quite a while since we've seen one another. Are you up for some riding?"   
  
  The Doctor leaned against the post across the way and crossed his ankles, blue eyes keenly watching as you saddled the horse. "You're asking to see me choke, aren't you?" He quipped. You peered over your shoulder to gaze at the way the sunlight reflected against the silver color of his hair, making him look ever older then he already was. "I hate you."   
  
  "I hate to break it to you, old man, but you _really_ don't." You replied, running your fingers through the horses fur before stepping across the barn to the stall directly opposite of him. "I attended this camp for years. I know which horse is easiest to ride. You'll be fine. I promise." Kodak whinnied eagerly as you approached his stall, anxious to be out in the open.   
  
  "He says that you should let the old man ride the horse because you're too beautiful for him." The Doctor grumbled as he handed you the halter. "I'm getting criticized by a  _horse._ "   
  
  "Quite frankly, I didn't even know you  _spoke_ horse. You're still full of surprises."   
  
It took you well over half an hour to teach him the ropes, but eventually the Doctor had his horse saddled and the two of you were riding side by side toward the Arena. You kept glancing at him through your peripheral vision to ensure that he hadn't made something explode, or even better, spooked the horse. "So," He began, breaking the silence. "So you said you had been here before?"    
  
  "My grandmother did taxes for the owner who agreed to give her grandkids scholarships to come to camp for free. I used to come here when I was a young teen and I worked up until I was 18. Made some of the best friendships in this place." You could see yourself, so young and innocent, running down the gravel road with Lyric and Sasha trailing behind you, laughter magnifying in the air as campers ran around in the valley below. "It's been a while since I've been here, but I never get tired of it."   
  
He took Kodak at a leisurely walk, gripping the reins tightly as he bumped up and down in the saddle. His eyes never left you though, how calm and collected you were with your horse, and how graceful you were as you.. "What's the technical term for a horse that runs?"   
  
You lightly tugged on the reins to bring Liberty to a stop, staring at his bright blue eyes from across the arena. "Cantering. I'd never done it until I was shown how, but it's  _thrilling._ You want me to show you how?" He immediately shook his head and picked up the reins as he began to make his way towards you. 

  "I'm the Doctor, for god's sake. I can do this." It almost sounded like he was reassuring himself as he clucked his tongue, kicking Kodak lightly in the ribs as he began trotting down the center of the arena. And then there was a flash from the stands, and the Doctor was screaming,  _like a little girl,_ as he was thrown from the horse.   
  
Hysterical laughter broke past your lips as you dismounted, clutching your stomach as you stumbled over to where he laid in the dirt.  "See what happens whenever you try to do something without supervision?" You mused, wiping the tears from your eyes. Liberty quietly walked up behind you and nudged you, causing your body to fall partially on top of the Doctors. A scream escaped your lips as you fell beside the Timelord, staring up at the two horses above you.   
  
  He's the first one to break the silence. "You were totally waiting for me to break a bone."   
  
  "Why do you always assume that I hate you and am trying to kill you?" You replied, grinning as Liberty bowed his head and allowed you to grab the halter to lift yourself up. " _With a horse?_ "   
  
  "Because you hate me y/n." He replied sarcastically, grunting in disgust as Kodak licked his face. " _Ick, horse spit._ " You held your hands up in surrender, backing away from him as he stood. "I'm coming after you, y/l/n."   
  
And that was how you spent your day with the Doctor, running away from his spit covered hands as he chased you through the stables and eventually back into the TARDIS.   
  
Kodak and Liberty spoke highly of the two strangers who had ridden them, laughing about how utterly  _amusing it was to throw_ a grown man off of him.


	14. Empty Hearts and New Faces | Twelfth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleven is gone, but Twelve is here... and he is so new, so not your Doctor, that it makes your heart hurt.

   
  
 _\- Takes place during The Time of the Doctor and flows into the beginning of Deep Breath -_  
  
\-------  
  
 _I've fallen out of favor  
I've fallen out of grace  
I've fallen out of trees  
And I've fallen on my face.   
I've fallen out of taxis,   
And out of windows too,  
I fell in your opinion,   
When I fell in love with you.   
  
\- Florence and the Machine: Falling _  
  
Snow softly fell onto the ashes that littered the Earth as you trailed behind Clara into the interior of the TARDIS, clearly still shaken up from the Doctors altercation with the Time Lords. You desperately tried to ignore the constant nagging in your mind when what you saw wasn't the end of the Doctors regeneration. Almost like it had been a ploy to ward off the  _real_ thing. Y/E/C eyes drifted to the discarded outfit on the console room floor, and your heart nearly jumped out of your chest when you recognized his lanky form in front of you.  _You idiot. You beautifully brave moron, why did I never tell you I loved you?_

 _"_ I have never been happier to see you or your stupid bowtie in my entire life." You murmured. Before you could finish your statement, your younger sister came bounding toward the two of you. 

"Doctor!" She exclaimed, her smile wavering at how intently he was staring at the two of you. His Oswalds. His girls. 

"Hello." He replied, smiling softly as he ascended the stairs to greet the two of you. You placed your hand on your stomach as a sudden wave of nausea hit your full force, and when you locked eye with the Doctor, you seemed to immediately know what was coming. He had spoken of regeneration several times in the time you'd resided on the TARDIS, but you had never imagined you would be there to witness it. 

  "You're young again! You're okay. You didn't even change your face."   
  
You took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of your nose. Clara had no idea about what was coming because he'd never  _told her_ what was coming. She'd seen it herself too, just like you had. Oh, little Clara Oswald, so incredibly _brave and_ so incredibly _stupid._ "Clara-"   
  
  "Ha!" The Doctor replied as he slowly began walking around the console. You wanted to reach out and smack him for being so incredibly cool and collected when his two Oswalds were on the verge of absolute hysteria. His Impossible Girl, and the Woman Who Could. _The love of his life. "_ It's started. Can't stop it now, this is just the reset."   
  
Disbelief filled Clara's expression as she shuffled past you, leaning against your thigh for stability as you sat up on the railing of the console room. "Do you have to change?" You questioned softly, lifting your head to meet his eyes. Eyes so ancient, and so old, and so  _sad._ "I- I don't want to  __lose you _again._ "   
  
  "You're not going to lose me, Y/N. Neither of you will." He said confidently. "Same man, different face. Empty heart, brand new space. TARDIS changes formats when I change faces. That should be interesting." Da** him, always so optimistic in the eyes of those who were terrified. He brought hope to those who had none. "A  _whole new regeneration cycle._ Oh!" You face palmed as he snatched up his fish fingers and custard, drinking it without a care in the world. "Taking a bit longer.. Just breaking it in."   
  
You watched with an empty heart and a vacant expression as he walked right past you and pulled a lever, grunting as he did so. He was getting weaker right in front of your eyes. " _I love you._ " It was right there, on the tip of your tongue, but you couldn't formulate any words as he parted his lips to recite the most incredible speech you'd ever heard from his mouth.   
  
  "It all just disappears doesn't it? Everything you are, gone in a moment. Like breath on a mirror." After all of this time, after all the adventures he had taken you on and stories he'd whispered in the silence of the console room, The Doctor could not find it in him not to smile when he looked at you. Emerald eyes flickered between yourself and Clara, who was too focused on watching him through glassy brown eyes. "Any moment now, he's a coming."   
  
  "Who's coming?" Clara blurted out, trying to swallow the shakiness in her voice.   
  
  "The Doctor."   
  
You continued to let Clara speak for you as your eyes watched the Doctor,  _your Doctor,_ giving his goodbye not only to you,  _but to your heart._ "You. You are the Doctor."  
  
Head buried in hands, you let the tears fall from your eyes as everything seemed to fall apart around you. "Yep. And I always will be." The sound of flowing time energy filled the room, and before you knew it, he was coming towards you.  _He wanted to touch your hand. "_ But times change, and so must I." You jumped off the railing, aware of Clara's hand on your waist as your fingertips brushed his. " _Amelia._ "   
  
  "Doctor, sweetheart,  _who's Amelia?_ "   
  
  "The first face this face saw. We all change, when you think about it. We are all different people, all through our lives, and that's okay. That's good. You've got to keep moving so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.  _All the people who you loved._ I will not forget one line of this, not one day. I swear. I will always remember when the Doctor was me."   
  
As if you could not break any further, your heart dropped into your stomach as you watched the Doctor strip his bowtie off and allow it to slowly flutter to the floor. Clara let out a cry of anguish as she ran towards the Doctor whose face contorted in pain. "No, NO!  _Please don't change."_ He looked at you once with those sad eyes, and you barely saw him mouth  _I love you_ before you were staring into the face of an older man.   
  
And he still had those sad eyes. 

  "Bloody hell!" You exclaimed loudly, bracing yourself against the console to prevent yourself from toppling into your equally stunned sister. Both you and Twelve gaped at one another for about thirty seconds before you screeched exactly what you had been thinking. "Where on  _Earth_ did that face come from?!" He didn't answer you, barely acknowledged that you were standing in front of him. "Doctor!"   
  
He let out a painful yell before turning to the two of you with wide blue eyes. It would be quite an adjustment going from that stunning emerald green you often found yourself drowning in to a blue so bright they could've been crystal. "KIDNEYS! I've got kidneys!" He tilted his head, tongue darting out to lick at his lips. "I don't like the color."   
  
  "Of your kidneys?" You let out a gasp as the TARDIS lurched to the side, throwing all three of you with it. "What's happening?"   
  
  "We're probably crashing."   
  
 _You have got to be kidding me._ "Into what?"   
  
  "Stay calm! I just have one question!" His eyes met Clara's before they slowly shifted over to yours. "Do you know how to fly this thing?!"   
  
***  
  
Of all the places to end up, you shouldn't have been surprised that you crashed in Victorian London. Vastra, Jenny, Potato Head who you never cared to properly remember the name of. A literal T-Rex swallowing the TARDIS. The Doctor struck with a case of amnesia. It was really just a normal day with the TARDIS crew.  
  
Later that night, you were sitting in the bed beside your boyfriend, lightly raking your fingers through his hair as he slept in a comatose state. "You know," You whispered, unaware of Clara standing in the shadows behind you. "I've _always_ loved you, you know.Even whenever we ran into each other that first time in the bar in London whenever you called me beautiful, I knew that it would always be you." You let a short breath of air escape your lips before continuing. "You loved the mystery of the Oswald sisters because you could never figure out which one of us you would meet. An echo, you called us. Versions of ourselves scattered across your timeline,  _saving you._ I think that's why I fell for you in the first place, old man. You were the hero I'd always dreamt about." You felt his hand slowly shift to where yours laid, his calloused fingers lacing with your own. "And I'm bloody terrified right now, but I just felt like I needed to tell you, I will love you regardless of your face. You being older doesn't faze me at all, it just shows the weight of all the decisions you've made." Tears filled your eyes as you slowly lowered your lips to his head, placing a feather light kiss there before pulling away from the bed completely. "Now, I'm going to go downstairs, and you are going to wake up and be my hero."   
  
Your empty heart filled a little bit whenever you felt his hand lightly squeeze yours before you stepped into the dark where Clara was waiting for you. " _I love you. Be my hero._ "   
  
And a hero he was.


	15. Jealousy | Tenth and Eleventh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Paradoxes are miserable to experience. But when there are two Doctors present and they're both jealous of each other, that's a whole other story entirely.

You never thought in your entire life that you'd be as irritated as you were now. Sitting inside the TARDIS, The Doctor had promised you extravagant planets with suns that set the same way a rainbow appeared, in a mirage of colors. And then the TARDIS had shut down on herself, and he'd rambled on about a break in time that would probably bleed through until he fixed it.   
  
And then you were sitting there, staring into the brown orbs of his previous face, the one who you constantly told he was sexy for the month that you two were together before he regenerated. "Ah, Y/N!" He beamed, downright _beamed,_ jogging across the console room with his coat flowing behind him. That incredible coat.. You never got tired of looking at it. "Still as beautiful as ever I see. Care to run away?"   
  
Eleven face palmed as he stared at his younger self, holding his head high and adjusting his bowtie.  _Dear God, I can feel the sexual tension in here._ "She already has run away, Sandshoes. You've lived it. You should remember." Ten rose an eyebrow at his older self, studying the space between the two of you, and the possessiveness of his new body with how he held you closer the longer he stared. "That's seriously starting to scare me. Do you have a staring problem?"   
  
You whipped around at the sound of footsteps, pressing a finger to your lips as Amy and Rory appeared at the top of the stair case. The four of you had just returned from the Dalek Asylum, and you'd been helping the Doctor mend the Pond's marriage the entire night. "My god!" Amy exclaimed, ruffling her red hair as both the Doctor's turned to stare at her. " _There's two of you?_ "   
  
  "I think I'm living a personal nightmare."   
  
Your fingers fiddled with your outfit as you tried to tune out the two timelords in front of you. " _I fell in love with her first!_ " Ten exclaimed, wildly waving his hands around in the air. " __I didn't have enough time!"  
  
"She's here with me now. You've lost your chance Sandshoes. Besides, she deserves better then you. Remember what happened to Rose? _"  
  
 _ That was enough to drain the color from Tens face, and you knew exactly why Eleven would bring up Rose. It was a sore spot that had carried through three different bodies. He preferred not to talk about it. "Why would she want a bloke in a bowtie? How old are you, five?"  
  
Amy snickered and poked you in the side as you watched the scene unfold. "Bless their multiple hearts," She replied sarcastically. "He's jealous of  _himself._ " You huffed, blowing a strand of y/h/c out of your face before jumping from your spot and standing in between the two men.   
  
 _There's only one way to get them both to shut up._  
  
  "Look, I've been traveling with both of you.  _Doctor,_ " You turned towards Ten and pulled him down to your height, kissing him deeply. But much to his displeasure, you pulled away before he could memorize the taste of you. "You taught me how to love myself and how to love the people around me. You showed me so much more then I asked for.  _And you showed me how to love you._ " Eleven's fingers gently curled around your hips as you turned around to gaze into his eyes. " _I can't even tell you how stupid you two are._ Being jealous of  _yourself?_ Are you kidding me?"   
  
  "He thinks you're  _his._ "   
  
  "You two are the SAME PERSON!" You snapped. " _The same man with a different face._ Please! I love you both _so_ much, and fighting against each other doesn't help that lingering pain that stays in my heart for what was, and what may never come." You slammed down a lever on the TARDIS and typed in something into the TARDIS computer before Ten's form began to flicker. " __Goodbye Doctor."  
  
His smile felt so real. " _G_ oodbye Y/N.." Tears escaped your eyes as he disappeared, leaving you alone with the current version of the Doctor. From your peripheral vision, you could see that the Ponds had vanished so you could be alone with the Doctor.   
  
His voice was barely a whisper as his lips grazed your ear, his long brown hair tickling your temple. "Y/N." You shivered as he turned your body around, allowing you to collapse against him. " _I_ love you." He tilted your chin upward, capturing your lips with his own. You hummed against him, wrapping your fingers through his soft brown tresses as his tongue clashed with your own.   
  
He smelled of time, starlight, and old books. Everything about him you absolutely adored,  _especially his hearts._ "I love you too." You whispered, gripping his hand and dragging him down the hall towards the library. "Now, I believe a cuddle session is in order old man. Come on."   
  
Later that night, you laid in the futon in the TARDIS Library, the firelight reflecting against the y/e/c of your eyes as you gently ran your fingers through his hair as he slept. "Please, stay with me."   
  
His lips curled upward as he shifted his hand to rest on your stomach. " _Forever._ "

 


	16. Swept Away, I'm Stolen | Eleventh

Your ears rung as Melody tightly gripped your hand, tears running down your face as the two of you watched Amelia Pond give her final farewell to the man who had changed her life. " _Raggedy Man, goodbye._ '' You inhaled sharply as Amelia disappeared, and the angel seemed to turn its head right towards you. As if it were silently saying,  _Come to me and I will give you rest.  
  
This is the end  
Hold your breath and count to ten _  
  
You found yourself moving on autopilot in the direction of the angel, River's grip tightening as she frantically began calling out your name in a futile attempt to draw you back. "You _can't_ leave him, Y/N!" She exclaimed, pointing to the Doctor who was curled up in the grass sobbing in front of the TARDIS. "He needs _you_."   
  
  "The Ponds need me much more then he does." You whispered in reply. "Don't leave him, Melody. You may be a point of grief since you are Amy's daughter,  _but he_ needs someone to love _._ And now I'm leaving, it's not going to be me." Your y/e/c eyes shifted downward towards the Doctor as he lifted his head to look at you. "Sleep well my love."   
  
The Doctor let out a piercing, heart shattering wail as they both blinked, and you fell backwards onto a vacant street with your wrist snapping beneath you.   
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000  


 _The Doctor's POV_  
  
It was like everything that had occurred in the last week was a cruel, cruel dream. I had lost both of the Ponds _and_ Y/N at the same time. She had willingly given herself up to be with the two who she cared about most in the world. Who she cared about more then me. "Did you love her, Doctor? Did you love Y/N?"   
  
My hearts pounded against my chest as I lifted my head to look at the child of the TARDIS. "I don't know.." I whispered, allowing her to pull my hands into her own grasp. "I thought I did, she was  _incredible_. She was. I loved the way she smiled, how she moved, just the way she  _danced_ like she was apart of the stars made me fall in love with her. But I can't have her back."   
  
  "She gave me a note for you just before she left. I think you need to read it."   
  
Your POV  
  
 A smile creeped onto your face as Rory Williams wrapped your arm, lips pursed as he concentrated. "How log has it been for you, Williams?" You whispered, meeting his worn blue eyes. You could just vaguely see grey streaked in his brown hair.   
  
  "Ten years, y/l/n." He replied, nodding to his adopted son Anthony Williams who was talking to Amelia in soft tones in the living room. "River visits on occasion, so does this bloke called Jack Harkness. He's old but he also likes to think he's gorgeous."   
  
  "Shut up you." Amelia chided, setting down a cup of tea in the palm of your hand. "Jack is gorgeous. Rory's just jealous that someone else looks as good as he does for being as old as the Universe." Rory groaned as you cracked up in laughter, and then you saw it.   
  
 _Melody Malone._  
  
 __The small novel was tucked underneath a magazine on the table beside the sofa. "The Doctor... I miss the Doctor." Rory nodded softly, tilting your head upward and kissing your forehead softly. "Rory, Amy, _I'm breaking on the inside without him here."_ The couple frowned as you buried your head in your hands, tears running down your face. " _I love him._ "   
  
  "Oh, we know. We've known for a long time."   
  
 _Let the sky fall  
When it crumbles  
We will stand tall   
Face it all together_  
  
You laid on the sofa later that night, in a dozed off sleep with a belly filled with chamomile. "Pst." You blearily opened your eyes, sitting up on the sofa and peering out the window onto the snow covered street. On the concrete stood a man with dark brown hair and a thick jawline, staring up at you with beautiful blue eyes. "Are you the girl Amelia called me about?"   
  
You pushed your hair behind your shoulders and peered down at Jack. "And you're the incredible Jack Harkness?" You mused. "Are you my way back home, Mr. Harkness?" A smile caressed his own face as he bowed and ran in through the first floor main door.   
  
  "I'm the  _only_ way that you can get home, Mrs. Doctor." He replied jokingly, tapping on the watch that was fastened to his wrist. "I used to travel with the man you love, and I have a working time machine. Care to go home?"   
  
The Doctor's POV  
  
I laid back in the bed, tears running down my face as I thought about the possibility that Y/N could be hurt or worse, dead. "Please darling," I whispered, clutching her warm grey duvet in my hands. "Please come back to me."   
  
 _Where you go I go  
What you see I see  
I know I'll never be me   
Without the security_  
  
Your POV  
  
Jack some miraculously managed to fall on top of me as we crash landed in the hallway that led to the Doctor's bedroom in the TARDIS. "Thank you Jack!" You exclaimed, laughing as he hugged you and flashed a seductive wink before vanishing in a swirl of smoke.   
  
You padded through the TARDIS, gently shutting the door to the Doctor's room and eyeing the man you loved asleep in the bed the two of you shared.   
  
 _Of your loving arms  
Keeping me from harm_   
  
You put your shoes and jacket on the floor before crawling into the bed where he usually was waiting with open arms, turning on your side so you could look at his tear streaked face. "I'm here now my love,  _I'm not going anywhere ever again._ "   
  
 _So put your hand in my hand_  
And we'll stand


	17. I Am Human | Tenth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversion by Dalek is not the way you wanted to go. But still you wait for The Doctor to rescue you.. and he sweeps in just a little bit too late.

You were terrified out of your wits, strapped to a bunch of metal with wires wrapped around your injured head. The Doctor was no where in sight and at that point you knew that you were going to die because of a  _stupid_ ,  _metal pepper shaker._ "You will OBEY!" The Dalek shrieked.   
  
Shaking your head, you kicked it as hard as you possibly could. " _I will be silent._ " You hissed in reply. "How does that bode you, Daleks? A silent prisoner.  _That's me._ The one who can't be broken." It simply stared at you before turning back to the door of your cell and vanishing behind it.   
  
The longer you were there, the more you hated them. You hated The Doctor. But there was always that little spark of hope in the back of your mind that he was going to come back for you and save you from hell. " _I am not a Dalek, I am not a Dalek. I AM HUMAN!_ " You continuously recited those 13 words for what felt like eternity, struggling to convince yourself that you were still a human being.   
  
The sound of the universe echoed throughout the small Dalek base, and the Doctor stepped out of his blue box with a look of fury on his face. It had been months for you, but only minutes for him since he had lost you to the Daleks. "DALEKS!" He roared, stomping through the base until he found the rooms where the Supreme Dalek sat. "Where is she?"   
  
  "Your companion is dead, Doctor." A live feed of you barely breathing inside your cell popped up on the large screen attached to the ceiling, and the Doctor's hearts stopped inside his chest.  _You can't be dead. Not now. Not ever._ "See what we can do." 

Your head shot up at the sound of metal wheels screeching against the ground, and the same words left your mouth. " _I am not a Dalek_." You shrieked, screaming as it came towards you wearing the face of the man you loved with a cattle prod looking object piercing you in the side. "I AM HUMAN!"   
  
  "That's my girl." He whispered, sonicking the door that led to the cells and sprinting down the hall as guns began to go off all around him. He froze as he came upon your cell where the Dalek was talking to you.   
  
You lifted your eyes and found the Doctor staring back at you, and tears ran down your tear stained face. Pressing a finger to his lip, he mouthed  _I love you._ "Your Doctor is not coming, human!" The Dalek screeched. " _He LEFT YOU TO DIE!_ "   
  
Then the words you never expected your mouth left them as the Doctor snuck around the leaving Dalek and ran to catch you just as you fell. "I am a Dalek. I am a Dalek. I AM A DALEK."   
  
  "You're my Y/N," The Doctor cried out, cradling your broken body in his arms as you slipped into unconsciousness. He shut the door with his screwdriver and threw it against the wall, tears running down his face as he rocked back and forth on his heels. " _Please don't become a Dalek._."


	18. Bantering | Twelfth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clara teases Twelve about his unspoken feelings towards you. Set before Season 9.

 The Doctor grumbled underneath his breath as Clara began chasing him around the TARDIS console, trying to fill the time gap that had been caused by you going to retrieve your jacket from your bedroom. "You like her!" Clara exclaimed, beaming at her best friend. He ruffled his grey curls before turning to her.   
  
  "Are you  _bantering_ with me, Clara Oswald?" He mused, laughing as she nodded. "And no, I do not like her. Not like that."   
  
Clara rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and bow ties used to be cool." His jaw dropped in shock at her statement about his last body's favorite clothing item, the cloth bow tie he wore to signify his marriage with River Song. "You're a terrible liar. I see the way you look at her. It's so painfully obvious."   
  
  "I don't like her!"   
  
  "Yes, you do!"   
  
  "No!"  
  
  "YES!"   
  
The Doctor face palmed, oblivious to the fact you were standing in the opening of the hall watching the two of them go at it with each other. Ever since you'd joined the TARDIS team two months ago, you couldn't stop feeling how you felt about the Doctor. You could see how much he cared for you. " _I would die for you if it came to it, y/n_."   
  
Because that's what he was. He was a hero, especially to you. "You know, I never said the Scottish accent was a turn off." He whipped around to look at you, dressed in your old high school jacket with your y/h/c hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. "And I never said you were old either."   
  
The greatest thing in the world was watching him stutter around women he liked. He was so embarrassed in this new body to have his feelings admitted. "Y/n-" He faltered, holding his hands out in front of him. "Clara's a troll, I didn't mean-"   
  
  " _I'm standing right next to you Doctor!_ "   
  
You smiled at your oldest friend before walking up to the Time Lord, whose cheeks were dusted red. "I understand how you feel about your new body because I had the same problem. I completely remorphed myself from my senior year of high school to my senior year of college. You can ask Clara. I'm a completely different person too." You tipped his chin upward, pressing a feather light kiss to his jaw. " _Let's be outcasts together,_ old man."   
  
He smiled at you with his ancient blue eyes, pulling you into a hug and burying his face in your shoulder before also pressing a kiss to your shoulder. A smile caressed your face as Clara grinned at you, running over to the other side of the console to hide. Pulling away, you lightly bopped his nose ( _which also turned him on because River used to do it to him_ ) and walked over to the TARDIS doors which were wide open, revealing a lush green planet with aliens that looked like they'd just walked out of Star Wars.   
  
You hid outside the box, ear pressed against the wood to listen to Clara who had decided to speak again. "Now, tell me again that what she just did  _didn't turn_ you on, and I'll do the laundry for a month."   
  
The Doctor snorted. " _I don't like her_." He was silent for a moment before continuing. " _At least not as a friend._ " The petite brunette's jaw dropped as his words registered with her brain.   
  
  "DOCTOR!"   
  
He shrugged his shoulders before subtly winking at you. "What? You never asked if I liked her as a partner or a friend. That's why I said no the first time." Clara rubbed at her temples as he strutted out of the TARDIS and extended his arm to you. "Care to run with me, y/n?"   
  
  "Anytime, anywhere, even if there's freaky aliens involved." And with that he took your hand, leading you through the grasses with Clara trailing behind struggling to navigate due to her lack of height.


	19. Can't Help Falling In Love | Eleventh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Run you clever boy, and remember.   
> Run regretful man, you couldn't save her.   
> Run you tired hero, don't forget her sacrifice.   
> But always keep in mind,   
> It wasn't you who took her life.

Constantly being at the side of The Doctor experiencing the Universe from an entirely different perspective. You keenly watched people come and go, you visited new planets, encountered new species of aliens you didn't even know existed. And while you were busy  _living,_ the Doctor was busy  **dying.**  
  
I'm not talking about the aspect of dying physically. No. I mean _emotionally._ Because while you lived the life you so craved from within the inside of the TARDIS, The Doctor was slowly dying over just how deeply he'd fallen in love with you. Some people referred to that term as " _Yandere."_  
  
But as to the degree of his love, it wasn't until he watched you attempt to sacrifice yourself for Clara that he realized just how deeply he loved you, and how hard it would be to continue his lonely existence if you weren't there to live it with him.   
  
 _8 hours earlier_

  "Y/N, you are  _not_ giving yourself up for her! This is something that Clara does on a regular basis!" You glared at the Doctor, peering at Clara from the corner of your eye as she struggled to release herself from the cage.   
  
  "These people are going to  _kill_ her, you idiot! Besides," You puffed your chest out and drew the blaster that you kept in your possession from the holster on your thigh. "Today's a great day to die, isn't it?" The leader of the smuggling ring stepped out of the shadows, bending the bars of the cell with his bare hands and dragging a screaming Clara out of it. "Let her go."   
  
  "Wow, now  _that_ is interesting." The man mused, squaring his broad shoulders as he pressed the barrel of his Smith and Wesson handgun into Clara's temple. "The Doctor with a companion who actually is okay with carrying a firearm? I'm quite impressed Doctor. Has she killed anyone yet for you? You do turn all your companions into weapons, after all.”   
  
The Doctor pursed his lips, inhaling deeply as he pondered on how to get out of this situation. You and Clara had walked right into a smuggling ring trap, and the only way to get out of it was by a fair trade. But he was clever. He would figure a way out of this. "Even trade, her for me. Why wouldn't you accept that offer?"   
  
You furrowed your brow in confusion as everything around you froze. Claras cries ceased, the smuggling leaders lips were curled up in a sneer. "Y/N... Look at me." You slowly turned around, your y/e/c eyes burning as the Doctor pulled you against him. "If you must die sweetheart, die knowing your life was my life's best part."   
  
  "What are you-" Time energy swirled around you as he captured his lips with yours in a bittersweet last kiss, unfreezing the time lock just as a bullet fired from the leaders gun. Indescribable pain shot through your body like fire as the Doctor held your body to his own. " _Doctor-_ "   
  
  "Yandere. So many definitions to it, but the one I know best definitely pertains to myself." Your breathing became labored as he ran his fingers through your y/h/c hair. "Y/N, I am so lovestruck by you... And I don't know what to do about it." A breathless laugh escaped your lips as your held your hand against the gunshot wound on your stomach.   
  
  "Well let me tell you something, old man." His lips began to quiver as you sat up and whispered something in his ear before your body began to convulse and the Doctor broke into a sob as the breath passed through your lips.  _Gone. You were just gone._  
  
Clara swallowed the emotion in her throat as she folded her hands in front of her. "What-What did she say?" The Doctor lifted his green eyes to meet Claras as he stood to his feet, cradling your broken body in his arms.  
  
  "She said she loved me too."  
  
And Clara knew just by the broken look on his face as he kissed your skin one last time, that you meant it.


	20. Songbird | Ninth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little blurb about how The Doctor loves to hear you sing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize how long it had been since I updated this, but I'm constantly waking up to new kudos that inspire me to keep posting! Thank you! If you leave comments alongside them, I might be a little more inclined to begin taking requests next Thursday when I'm done with school. 
> 
> Maybe ;)

 

_Every man has the right to live  
        Love is all that we have to give_

The Doctor smiled to himself as he leaned against the frame of your bedroom door, his ear pressed to the fine veneer as he listened intently to your voice from inside. It had been two months since he'd taken you on board the TARDIS, and he'd found himself loving listening to you sing.   
  
         _Together we fight for the will to survive  
        Together we fight just to stay alive_  
  
You smiled to yourself as you ran your hands through your long y/h/c hair, spinning around your bedroom as you listened to music pour through the speakers of your phone. It had been so long since you had just  _sang_ , because everyone was trying to oppress you and keep your voice inside.   
  
Obviously it hadn't worked.   
  
         _Struggling man has got to move_  
        Struggling man no time to lose...  
  
A squeal broke past your lips as the door flew open, and The Doctor fell face first onto the floor. "Doctor!" You scolded, pressing your hands to your hips. "Were you eavesdropping on my singing?" He rolled over onto his back and grinned up sheepishly at you. With those big eyes and his stupid ears, he was almost impossible to ignore.   
  
  "I can't help it." He confessed. "Your voice is almost as beautiful as you are." 

 


	21. Bruises Aren't Blessings | 12th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This might seem a bit OC for Twelfth, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

  
  
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||  
  
If there was one thing that intrigued you about this particular incarnation of The Doctor, it was that he was irritating. He was insufferably adorable. With those bright blue grey eyes, and that Scottish accent, and the utter  _love_ in his eyes, the Doctor was infuriatingly beautiful. And you adored every moment spent with him when he wasn’t irritating the crap out of you.   
  
Until he started pointless arguments, like asking why you were wearing a scarf the morning after one of your adventures when it was 85 degrees on Earth, where he had parked the TARDIS for a refuel. "I don't understand why you're wearing a scarf!" He exclaimed, pacing the opposite side of console in sync with you. "It's bloody hot outside!"   
  
  "Did you ever consider that  _maybe_ I wanted to go to a cold planet, you moron?" Your British accent thickened as you replied sarcastically, pressing your hands to your hips.  The two of you stared at each other for a few moments as you tried to hide the pain in your neck. He hadn't seen what had happened on the last mission, and you were perfectly fine without him knowing about it. "What?"   
  
  "Take your scarf off, Y/N." He persisted, reaching towards you with bony fingers to pry the pink cloth off of your neck. You jumped out of his reach and couldn't help but giggle as he chased you around the console like a child chasing a butterfly in the park. "Y/N, for God's-"   
  
A shriek tore past your lips as you tumbled over your own two feet, and before you could scramble back to your feet, the Doctor was straddling your hips and gently removing the scarf from your neck. "Doctor-" He pressed a finger to your lips as he tossed the pink cloth to the side, running his fingers over the deep blue and purple bruises that colored your neck.   
  
  "Why didn't you tell me about this?" His voice broke as he lifted his eyes to meet your own. "I could've healed this, and you wouldn't be in as much pain as you are. Why?" Red dusted your cheeks as you turned your head, gasping as searing pain flowed through your neck.    
  
  "I didn't-t want you to worry." You replied weakly, all the energy you'd had receding from your body as the console room lit up in a bright golden glow. "Besides, you have more important things to do then worry about me."   
  
  "But I care about you." He whispered softly, helping you to your feet. Your heartbeat went erratic as he pulled your body towards his own and ducked his head downward, pressing the softest of kisses to your bruised skin. "Bruises aren't blessings. They're a sign you fought and won. And for that, I'm incredibly proud of you." 


	22. Proposal I Can't Refusal | 12th

_You bloody idiot._  
  
It wasn't as if you didn't know how much the Doctor really cared about you. The gestures were what said it. A subtle handhold when your pupils dilated after an rush of fear. The nights where you couldn't sleep and he would open the Tardis doors, traveling aimlessly through the Medusa Cascade as he told you stories from his tenth and eleventh self that you had never had the pleasure to meet. His lips spoke words but his eyes spoke volumes.  
  
Up until a year and a half ago in Earth years, he had been the last living timelord in the Universe and then by some miracle of miracles, he had found you. When you had come into his company, it had given you a better perspective on the worlds you had missed, and it made him a better man. There couldn't have been another couple that complemented each other better.  
  
So why was it so freaking _difficult_ to propose to you?  
  
  "You're sweating."  
  
It also didn't help that he had somehow locked himself in The Library for a chance to think about what he would say, and now Clara was sitting across from him, breathing down his neck. Her brown eyes calculated his every move as The Doctor ran his hands over his face and heaved a sigh. "It doesn't help when you're breathing down my neck, you pest."  
  
She grinned widely at his remark, leaning back in the leather chair as he stared at her. It was almost amusing that he was at such a loss for words. His uncanny ability to be clever at any given moment was one of the reasons why you had fallen in love with him in the first place. "You are at a loss for words and have no idea what to do about it." Clara tutted, clucking her tongue with distaste. "You were right. This body is awful at romance."  
  
The Doctor groaned, unaware that you had entered the second floor of The Library in search of your favorite book. You wouldn't have even known he was in there had it not been for the desperate Scottish accent echoing through the room. "How in the world did I do this with River Song! This body doesn't do romance, doesn't do _words_. How am I suppose to propose to the woman I love if I can't bloody speak! That's my _thing!_ "  
  
Your facial expression must have been one of awe, because the next thing you knew, Clara was speaking exactly what he needed to hear. "She doesn't need the perfect proposal, you idiot." She remarked quietly, her eyes gazing at the ring he now held in his hand. "What Y/N needs is to know how much you love her and how you are willing to be with her until one of you, or both of you, is dead. You'll think of how to word it." Her dark eyes flickered up to where you were standing, the smile on her face widening as you slid down the fire escape pole (It was 11's favorite part of the TARDIS) and onto the first part of the Library.  
  
  "Are you alright love?"  
  
The Doctor yelped at your voice, the small velvet box tumbling from his hand as he turned to face you. "How-How long have you been in here?" He snapped unintentionally, dropping to all fours in search of your engagement ring. You let out a rather unlady like snort, covering your mouth with your hand as he stood with the ring clasped in between his fingers. "I was planning on attempting a romantic dinner, because unlike my last body, I can cook in this one."  
  
You found yourself moving forward automatically, cupping his jaw in your hand as you pressed a feather light kiss to his cheek, and then to his lips. "I knew you weren't big on romance in this body. From what Clara had told me, you were a romantic fool in the last one. It's not really my style." A red hot blush crept up his chest and onto his face as he slowly lowered himself onto one knee, his blue eyes fixated on yours. "Doctor-"  
  
  "For the longest time, I went traveling around the galaxies under the impression that I was the last living timelord." He said quietly. "The only companion I had before Clara was lonliness, always clawing at my shoulders for a hold. Even after River.... I never thought I'd be able to love someone again until I met you. The last living timelady, my best friend, the love of my life. You made me into a better man by agreeing to travel in the TARDIS. I do not want anyone elses hands on you because you are  _mine."_ A soft breath escaped your lips at his possessiveness, his long fingers wrapping around your hips as The Doctor stood to his feet. "To see you with someone else would literally kill me, Y/N. So this is me asking. Will you be my wife?"   
  
  "I didn't know you were this good with words." You joked, winking as his face paled. "Of course I'll marry you, handsome. Who else can I say is sexy when they're clever?" A shrill squeal escaped your lips as The Doctor lunged for a hug, his body pressed against yours as you fell against the couch together. It felt good to know that this insanely impossible, perfect, damaged man wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. As you looked into his eyes, you saw no fear. No guilt, no anger. Just a pure happiness you hoped would remain there forever.   
  
  "You two gettin' it on?" Clara groaned, covering her eyes with her hand. "I don't want to see any of that until after you're married, for gods sakes! Get a room!"   
  
The Doctor grinned widely as the two of you stood up, straightening your clothes before he turned his head to take one last look at you. "Care to come and save planets with the insanely clever man?" He mused, outstretching his hand to take your own. You rose an eyebrow and laced your fingers together, gasping as he pulled you out of the room and into the console room.   
  
Who else would you rather save the universe with?


	23. Weren't We Supposed To Have It All? | 10th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Can you do a oneshot where like the reader is the one who proposes to the 10th doctor? It's like the doctor proposing to the reader but it's switched and can it be around the holidays? Fluff, smut(ish) or angst is fine!

  
=============  
  
Christmas. That human holiday that was always full of colorful lights, mistletoe, and the most love you had ever seen exchanged between a species. It warmed your hearts to see how much people came together on that holiday, so you had asked The Doctor to take you to London for Christmas, on a cliff over looking the city where it happened to be snowing.  
  
  "Any particular reason you wanted to come here, Y/N?"  
  
Wine was not his favorite drink, but he had a crate of wine hidden in one of his previous companions rooms, so you had decided to make the most of your evening. But in reality, you really just wanted to see how much alcohol the Time Lord could take. "What do your Christmases normally consist of, old man?"  
  
  "Sadness." He replied quietly, his brown eyes secured on the horizon as he sipped on his wine. What you thought was the closest proximity you'd ever had in your days on the TARDIS now felt like the two of you were worlds apart. "I'm normally alone on Christmas because most of the time, my companions can't stick with me that long. Adventures are a fantastic distraction."  
  
The fact that his mood was now somber made you all the more hesitant to actually carry out what you had planned on doing for weeks. It had taken him months to warm up to you after losing Martha and Rose, and even now after all the events you'd shared together, he still wasn't completely with you. And it tore you to shreds to think that in just a few moments, your worst nightmare may possibly come true and The Doctor would tear the woman who kept him whole to shreds.  
  
  "Were you in love with the girl you call Rose?"  
  
It only took a moment for his face to contort from sadness to anger, and in a single flash of a second, he threw his glass over the cliff and stormed back inside the TARDIS. "I was." He snapped, gripping the ends of his hair as he stormed around the console. "I was _so deeply in love_ with Rose, and then you came along! It's not like I can't see the way you look at me, Y/N-"  
  
  "Shut up."  
  
You unclenched and clenched your fists at your sides, trying to control your erratic breathing. Dealing with confrontations and others anger was not your strong suit, but you chose to do it anyway. And with him, you did it because you _adored_ The Doctor and would do whatever you could to keep him happy and willing to live.  
  
But you wouldn't be a toy for his emotions.  
  
  "Excuse me?"  
  
  "I said _shut up._ " You growled, reaching into your pea coat pocket and opening the velvet box that had been weighing you down for months. "Do you have any idea how you make people feel? You showed up on my door step a mess of emotions and guilt and I was the one who took the offer to see the Universe. And you know what you did?" His eyes widened as you threw it at him, the box bouncing off the console and onto the floor beneath his feet. "You made me fall in love with you, you idiot! Do you have any idea what that's like, to fall in love with someone who's in love with someone else?"  
  
His brown eyes shifted from your tear stained face down to the ring on the floor. "You were going to propose to me?" The Doctor murmured, pressing his hands together and over his lips as single tears roll down his cheekbones. "Why? It's not like I actually deserve you, Y/N. I'm not over Rose. You don't deserve to hurt over me because I'm in love with someone else."  
  
Every fiber of your being wanted to kill him. To take the knife he had stabbed you with every time he smiled at you, grabbed your hand and whispered " _Run._ " But when you took two strong strides towards him and grabbed the engagement ring, holding it up to his eyes. And with the most confidence you'd had all night, despite your hysteria over being rejected, you spoke. "Weren't we supposed to have it all?"  
  
The Doctor collapsed to his knees as the ring slowly fell to the floor, clattering against the metal as the TARDIS doors slammed shut. The wine in his system made his vision blur as a sob broke past his lips, the ring pressed between his fingers as he kissed it once and rocked back and forth on his heels.  
  
  "Oh, sweet Y/N." He whispered softly, tilting his head as he read the engraving on the inside of the ring. _Forever._ Such a stupidly simple word that held no meaning to him. No matter who he traveled with, no one could be with the Doctor forever. It was the curse of being a timelord, living while everyone else died. "Back then, I lied when I told you I didn't love you. I needed you to move on from me- I had to protect you from me."  
  
Pain. We all feel it. But no one feels it more then the very man who lives with it forever, carrying the pain of loss for hundreds of years, unable to part with it. He thought he could move on from you, but it turned out he was wrong.  
  
He couldn't move on from the person who had refused to give up on him, until he had given up on her.


	24. Hands | 12th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I was wondering if you could maybe do one of the 12th doctor at the end of series 8 trying to find Gallifrey according to Missy's coordinates and his human wife comforts him when he finds out it's still lost?

////////////////////////////

_Lay your hands in mine._

You could hear it all the way from down the main hall in the TARDIS. The Doctor had very specifically asked you to give him time to comprehend the news he'd been given; Missy had supposedly handed over the coordinates to Gallifrey, where she claimed he'd be able to find it if he just went looking. 

_Heal me one last time._

Padding down the hall, you peered around the corner of the doorway only to find a mirage of sparks bursting to life in front of your eyes. Your husband stood on the side of the console closest to the door, pure rage and sadness written across his expression as he pounded his hands into the console. 

  " _Doctor."_ You called out softly, hoping to draw his attention away from his anger to you - because you were his calm amidst the chaos of the storm.

The Doctor continued as if you weren't even there to begin with, the anger dissipating into full scale grief as his chest deflated and he sank to his knees. You knelt down beside him and took his hands in your own, running your fingertips over the lacerations from pounding the console. "She lied." He muttered as he pulled you into his lap, his face coming to rest in the crook of your neck. In the time the two of you had been married, The Doctor found great comfort in two things. Your touch, and your skin. It was almost like a sanctuary for him when things became too difficult for his old hearts to deal with. "Missy lied. Gallifrey isn't there.  _It never has been._ " 

Your heart sank as you maneuvered your legs to either side of his hips, pulling him closer to you as you slowly threaded your fingers through his lengthening silver hair. He let out a whimper as your nails lightly scraped his scalp, his grip on your hips tightening at the gesture. "You, my dear, are so much stronger then you give yourself credit for." You whispered in his ear, placing a tender kiss on his temple. "I know you think you're defeated because you haven't found it yet. But me,  _your wife_ , believes in you so much. I think you're going to find Gallifrey - because you won't rest until it is found." 

He guided your hands to his cheeks, your thumbs running across the cracks in his new skin - cherishing the older face staring back at you with such adoration and awe in his cerulean eyes. Your palms rested against his skin as he leaned into your touch, turning his head to place a kiss on the inside of your wrist. 

  "My gorgeous, sexy, stunning wife. So much faith in this old soul." 

You stood to your feet and grinned wickedly as you wiggled your eyebrows. "You better believe it old man. Now.. let's see on cleaning those hands,  _without_ the use of your regeneration energy. Does that sound good?" His smile widened as you wrapped your arm through his and slowly began leading him towards the TARDIS medbay. 

  "Only if you wear the nurses suit." 

  " _Eleven_ didn't even let me wear that suit!" Realization crossed your face as he jumped up onto one of the med tables while you continued to stare dumbfounded. "You want me in that suit, don't you? Good Lord, I didn't realize you were a  _naughty_ old man too. I think I need to disinfect my eyes." 

The Doctor snorted and motioned to the antiseptic and gauze on the table beside him. "Just get to cleaning my hands love, why don't you?"

Every time he takes you to a new world, a new civilization, or a different galaxy - He makes it a habit to hold your hand even though he claims that this new body doesn't do touching. Or hugging, or hand-holding, or anything that a husband and wife do. You were the only exception to the matter - the only hands he ever wanted to hold and the only lips he wanted to kiss. 

Because despite the new face, you were always going to be  _his_ wife. The wife with the huge human heart and a smile brighter than any galaxy. And he loved you. Oh... he loved you  _so much._

 " _I never knew that holding someones hand could feel so inviting,_

_so familiar,_

_and so new at the same time._

_Holding your hand,_

_I celebrate it,_

_I mark it on calendars."_

_\- Anita Krizzan_


	25. To Soothe An Aching Heart | 11th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: You and the Doctor are married and have been for quite some time. But unfortunately for you, you have to watch him fall apart when he loses one of his precious companions. The latest one? A perky brunette named Clara who wanted nothing more then to see the universe, and it cost her everything. You are determined to lift his sunken spirits.

  "Dance with me." 

This was preposterous. It had been less then a day since Claras death, and you were trying to convince him to get up and  _do_ something. All he had done was mope around after losing the petite English woman who he had grown rather attached to while working to defeat The Snowmen. 

  "Are you serious?" The Doctor replied solemnly, poking his head upward as you danced around the console. The interior of the TARDIS was still gleaming with the Christmas decorations the two of you had hung up the week before, the fairy lights casting a golden hue across your y/h/c hair pulled back into a loose updo. You were still dressed in the Victorian dress you'd snagged from the TARDIS, and if he had to admit it, you'd never been more beautiful then in that moment. "Why do you want me to dance with you? I have no motivation, in case you haven't noticed. I'm also incredibly-"

  "Depressed? Oh, I know. But that's the thing you don't get." You murmured. "It's my job as your wife to pick you up whenever you're down. I know you cared greatly for Clara, but the thing about you Doctor is that you always take the deaths of those you love onto your own shoulders." Shivers ran down your spine as his fingers laced with yours and his opposite arm wrapped around your back to pull you flush against his chest. "This was not your fault."  
  
Eleven choked back a sob as you cupped his face in your hands and allowed your lips to linger against his forehead. The gentle melody of _Silent Night_ filled the console room as he hid his face in the crook of your neck and allowed himself to be vulnerable, if only for a moment. There were some days that he felt as if he were Zeus, the proud God who gazed upon his creation from the top of Mount Olympus. Other days he felt like Atlas, chained to the bottom of a mountain and forced to carry the sky for all eternity for his wrong doings.   
  
 _Silent Night  
Holy Night  
All is calm  
All is bright_  
  
Your hauntingly beautiful voice was the only sound in the console room as you gently pulled yourself away from your husband, hands gripping the levers on the console as you inputted your own coordinates. The Doctor carefully watched your figure as his girls landed his ship with ease, his wife moving to the front doors only to throw them open and be greeted by the sight of newly fallen snow.   
  
 _Round yon virgin  
Mother and child  
Holy infant so tender and mild_  
  
  "Where are we?" He asked quietly. You turned around from the doorway and extended your arms, cheeks red from the cold and eyes bright with adventure as The Doctor took your hands. Bright emerald eyes gazed around your newest destination before they widened in realization, having recognized the planet that you and the TARDIS had taken them to. "Planet of the Ood? Why? I haven't been here since.."   
   
  "Since Donna. I know. I just wanted you to remember." You said, motioning to the snow covered lands in front of you. "I want to remember what it's like to hear the music. To hear the _beauty_ that has been created in this Universe. I want you to remember a time when you were happiest."   
  
 _Sleep In Heavenly peace  
Sleep in heavenly peace_  
  
The Doctor wrapped his arms around you and gently pulled your body flush against his chest, warmth radiating from him as you sank into his embrace. Lips pressed against the crown of your head as you allowed your eyes to gently flutter shut, deeply tuned into the music of the Ood as well as the words that were falling from the lips of your husband.   
    
  "And I want you to remember that I have never been happier then when I'm with the most beautiful being in all of the universe." He whispered, his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear as you struggled to suppress your laughter. " _You._ " A gentle sigh broke past your lips as he laid a kiss on the underside of your jaw before turning his attention back to the song of the Ood that emanated across their land.   
  
   "Merry Christmas Doctor."   
  
  "Merry Christmas Y/N." 


	26. Authors Note

 

 

So I'm coming down to the end of my archive of Doctor Who one shots. I have at least half a dozen or more stories saved for Thirteen, but I want to hear it from  _you_ if you want me to post them. 

**Headcanon requests? Rad. Give them to me, and I'll do it.**

**Want to see 13? Lit. Tell me and I'll post a one shot.**

It's your turn now. Let me hear you  _roar._


	27. A Girl And Her Box | 13th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: 13 and her companion reunite during The Woman Who Fell to Earth. Minor spoilers for 11x01. I changed some of the plot of the episode to fit this. Just know I love Thirteen... I LOVE THIRTEEN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You asked, and so I shall deliver all the Thirteen content I have to offer! Thank you so much for the kudos and comments, I am a novice to the Archive and appreciate them all dearly!

 

///////////////////////////////////

She's falling. Falling freely through the frigid night air of Earth, and the only focus on her mind despite the fact she's quite possibly plummeting to her death is you. Y/N Y/L/N, the only companion she'd ever had that was stubborn enough to stay, with a heart far too giving for a sentimental, ancient fool like herself. 

The Doctor has given her hearts to nearly all her companions, but no one had cherished them quite like you had. She'd opened herself up to you in her eleventh incarnation, a desperate soul pleading for contact that he'd been deprived of since the Time War. And here you'd come crashing in, all smiles and warm hugs and soft eyes -- like a balm to the eternal ache in her hearts. 

_The Twelfth Doctor was the greatest man you've ever known. With that mischievous smile and bright eyes, and the unruly silver hair that seems to never end - He was always prepared for a new adventure if it meant you'd be at his side through it. And now here you stood, dressed in such simple wear that it was hard not to stare, and watching him so intently as he begins the ever infamous monologue that normally preludes a regeneration._

_Twelve had more restrictions then Eleven. Very little intimacy had happened in this body. You'd never once thought of him in a sexual nature despite how utterly beautiful he was, but even holding his hand was a trial. But even now as you await the inevitable end, it's hard not to touch him. You stand perfectly still with your fingers outstretched, expression somber as he rounds the console to meet you. "You, my dear, are one in a million. I have not regretted one line of this with you. My girl," You can tell by his praise of your influence on his twelfth self that he means every word. "My best friend. You are made of blood and bone, with a heart beyond human comprehension, and your soul is made of stardust and shines like the Universe."_

You are a child of Time, Y/N. 

" _My child of Time."_

The TARDIS is illuminated in a golden aura -- the power of raw time energy -- before you meet the eyes of the Doctor one last time, except this time.. those ancient eyes you'd come to know, to read better then anyone else, they aren't blue anymore.  

They're brown. 

" _Oh," Her accent is thick, very clearly mirroring her Ninth self, and it takes all your self control not to laugh at how utterly marveled she appears to be with her new body. "Brilliant." Just as you manage to pull yourself from the floor, your marvelous idiot presses one button, and the TARDIS literally throws both of you from it._

_You can still hear the agonizing thunder of her voice as she screams your name, helpless to do anything except watch as you both plummet to the Earth._

You aren't even remotely surprised when you wake up in Sheffield with your clothing coated in soot, and miraculously enough, your cellphone still alive where you'd tucked it in your back pocket earlier that morning. You silently thanked the TARDIS for looking out for you despite her thief's utter stupidity.

"You stupid,  _stupid_ Timelord." You mutter, flicking through your homescreen (That one time you caught Twelve in a good mood - chin resting on top of your head as he used his ridiculously long arms to snap a photo) to access your contacts. Most of your close friends were in Central London, with your family having recently moved to America, there was only one person you knew who would still be in this area. 

Yazmin Khan. 

Luckily enough for you, Yaz was already well on her way to contacting people she knew to make inquiries about strange occurrences for the strange blonde woman that had fallen through the roof of the train. "Hello?" She questioned, pressing her phone against her ear. "Who is this?" 

"Hey Yaz. It's Y/N." Your voice is soft and unsure, which is probably due to the fact that you hadn't really kept in contact with the younger girl because she was several grades behind you by the time you'd graduated high school. She was 19, and you were nearing your late twenties. The Doctor had snagged you just after your second year of University, and you'd been with her ever since. "I'm sorry to intrude-" 

"No intrusion at all. I was actually just about to phone you as well." 

That caught your attention. Running a hand through your hair, you peered up and down the nearest street before examining the area for any cabs that could take you to her location. "Any particular reason why? I haven't phoned in ages, and well... I haven't seen you in forever either. Not really grounds for maintaining a friendship." 

"I met this woman. Strange thing she is. Petite blonde with bright brown eyes and a mouth that runs a hundred miles a minute, she's having me and some other friends look into strange occurrences in the area." You came to a short stop just in front of the garage the cab system ran out of, those same ancient eyes flashing in your memory as you swallowed the lump in your throat. 

How long had she been away from you? Less then a day?

"Yaz, I'm gonna need you to give me the location you're meeting your friends in. And that strange blonde woman? Don't you  _dare_ let her out of your sight!"

//////////////////////////

Yaz is waiting for you when you arrive to Grace and Grahams flat -- both of which are very friendly and welcoming -- and immediately invite you inside to tend to the unconscious woman on their sofa. Grace immediately informs you of whats happened, how she passed out on the rivers edge and had been brought here to recuperate. But despite her medical practice, the older woman was utterly stumped as to why the unconscious form on her sofa was  _glowing._

You weren't. 

"I'm not sure what kind of experience you guys have with aliens, but this lady right here? She's an alien from another planet, and she used to be a man." All four of them gawk at you as if you're speaking another language, and to them you probably are. How does one go about explaining a gender-fluid alien that rules over time itself? "Her name is the Doctor." 

"Doctor Who?" 

_I'll never get tired of hearing that._

"I'm sure she'll tell you the rest."

Kneeling down beside the couch, you gingerly run your fingertips along the sleeve of Twelves tattered coat, eyes narrowed in on her peaceful expression as she slept. There had been many a nights where you'd been on the brink of deep slumber, eyelids fluttering as you dreamt, when the Doctor would creep into your room and tower over your bed until you felt his presence there. Weary eyes would meet your own, and before you could react, there was a Time Lord curled up in you. All warm and soft and utterly  _petrified_ by the subject of his nightmares. 

There was never a time that you wouldn't be there for the Doctor. Because despite the darkness, the demons that clawed at her throat and attempted to suffocate her, the tragedies and the underlying fear of inevitable loss, you saw straight through her. You saw the bleeding hearts and the war torn eyes, and the soul that merely just craved to be loved in any way, shape or form. 

"Hello Doctor." 

Almost immediately did her eyes snap open, alert and attentive to her surroundings and those around her, until they finally focused on you. " _Y/N."_ Your name falls off her lips in pure, blissful relief as she launches herself from the sofa and straight into your arms, legs nearly locking around your waist as the two of you stumbled about the living room. You were immediately overwhelmed by the smell of time energy and the way she nuzzled the crook of your neck - as if she were coming home. 

"You press one button and everything goes to chaos." You joke lightly, grinning as she now stood exactly the same height as yourself. The Doctor winked at you and lightly nudged your hip with her own, crossing her arms over her chest as the two of you turned to face the other four occupants in the room. "Ladies and gentleman, this is the Doctor." 

"And she's my Child of Time." 

The new TARDIS team doesn't even bother to ask what that means. They just roll with it. 


	28. Dreams | 13th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ft a Veteran!Reader, Yazmins eldest sister.

_And when she gets to Heaven, St. Peter she will tell,_

_"Just another soldier reporting sir, I've spent my time in Hell."_

You had intended to venture into the depths of the TARDIS, believing it was the middle of the night, in search of a cup of tea. A futile hope that it would abate the nightmares that plagued your sleep. You had tossed and turned in your newly acquainted plush bed, eyelids fluttering desperately as you attempted to sleep - but to no avail. It wasn't that you didn't _want_ to. It was that you  _couldn't._

It was horrifying. The utter devastation that lay in your wake behind the darkness of closed eyelids. The smell of blood, the sound of your brother and sisters in arms screams as the enemy brutally slaughtered them. It was a massacre, but somehow you managed to remain composed through it all. Emotionless, cold, simply  _fulfilling_ your duty. The duty of a soldier -- a woman who had left all she had known -- to protect her country. 

Maybe that was why you had connected to the Doctor so quickly. Because while she wore the face of a petite blonde woman with a free spirit and fiery eyes that mirrored the sun, all one had to do was look just deep enough to catch the haunted look she wore when she thought no one else was looking. The little things she often did, too subtle for people as young as Yaz and Ryan to see, but you did. You always did. The way she winced at loud sounds, how fiercely protective she was over her companions, the panic attacks in the middle of the night, the insomnia. 

You figured that she was so lighthearted, so free, wore ridiculous clothes and thrived off her companions laughter because if she didn't do all those ridiculous things that made her  _The Doctor,_ she'd hang herself. It was a much needed distraction from whatever deeper secret she hadn't confided in you about yet. 

It was six months after your abrupt leave from the military that your sister had called you from a train, asking if you'd seen any odd occurrences since returning to Sheffield. You'd immediately asked her why she'd brought it up to begin with, and Yaz immediately began rambling about the peculiar blonde woman with the bright eyes and the mouth that ran a thousand miles a minutes. Fiercely intelligent and incredibly brave - qualities many people had also deemed you to be worthy of. 

Yaz called her The Doctor, but you called her _The Soldier._

So when you found yourself roaming the TARDIS in what you believed to be the middle of the night, eyes weary with lack of sleep and face downcast, you weren't really surprised when the machine began to whine lowly. The sound reverberated against the walls, jolting you from your stupor and nearly causing you to drop your cup in the process. ''Oh,  _okay_ you sexy thing." You drawled, lightly running your fingers along the walls. "What's gotten into you this time? What did she do now?" 

Might have forgotten to mention, you were the only one who seemed to understand the TARDIS. She often spoke to you in whispers (that would be because of the translation matrix), or with frantic blinking of the lights, frequencies so high they nearly burst your eardrum -- and most of the time it was to warn you about the Doctor. Either when she was in distress, or the TARDIS was in distress  _because_ of her. 

"Lead the way, my dear. I'll deal with your thief." 

The fluorescent lights in the hallway before you dimmed considerably, and so you took to travelling down it quite slow until you crossed another adjacent hall - but this particular one looked to be where most of the companions had taken residence. Each door was a different color and inscribed with a different name, most of which you had to squint to see in the darkness of the TARDIS. 

Newest companions to the oldest, the ones who had been gone from the blue box for quite some time. Your heart ached to think what went through the Doctor's mind when she found herself here. How much guilt she held for the ones who had died, the regret over her failures of convincing others to stay. 

_Clara Oswald_

_The Ponds_

_Donna Noble_

_Martha Jones_

_Jack Harkness_

_Rose Tyler_

 There were so many more, so many more names of ones who have died, or ones who had been long forgotten. That wasn't what drew your attention. It was the glittering gold door at the very end of the hall, the name  _River Song_ written in bold calligraphy across the width of the door. You poised your lips to ask yourself just who this River Song woman was, until you saw the name beneath it. 

_and The Doctor, her husband!_

"Okay. So she's in distress," You curved your fingers around the knob of the bedroom door and quietly drew it open, careful not to make a noise as you peered inside. The bedroom was mostly dark, albeit the fireplace that flickered to life as you ventured deeper into the room. "But why? What  _is_ this place?" 

It was clear this was the first time that The Doctor had slept in this room for quite a while. Clothes were strewn all over the floor - a purple waistcoat with accompanying pants and thick black boots, along with a stunning green dress and discarded high heels. The air in the bedroom was cold, much resembling a place for the parted, and carried the faint scent of a womans perfume. 

That was when you saw it, the closet. A variation of man and womans clothes, and the most high heels you'd ever seen in another persons possessions. The desk in the corner nearly covered in papers and archaeology books, the mound of blankets and the novels that lined the bookcase. The Doctor had been married, once upon a time. And she hadn't been in this room because whoever she had married was  _gone._

" _Sexy?_ " You whispered, to which the TARDIS responded by increasing the brightness of the flames that danced in the fireplace. " _Why did you bring me here? Why am I.. This is a monument to a ghost."_ The angle of the light suddenly shifted to the grate opposite the fireplace, where you caught the faint glint of what looked to be a ring wedged into it. And not just any ring, but a  _wedding ring._

The piercing shriek of the Doctors scream the moment you cradled the band in your palm nearly shattered your eardrums. It wasn't even a scream, more like a pained wail of protest to whatever was occurring in her nightmare. You whipped around to gaze at the Timelord in the bed, concern knitting your eyebrows together as you pondered what to do next. 

" _No-"_ Fingers wound deep into the sheets, back arched and face glowing with sweat, The Doctor thrashed against the demons plaguing her nightmares while you watched on in anxious anticipation. Your therapist had advised your parents upon returning home the first time never to wake a soldier from a nightmare, for the potential of injury was great. It simply wasn't worth the risk. " _River-Please, NO!"_

"Doctor." You slowly brought yourself to sit on the edge of the bed, fingers gently winding around her wrists and pinning them to her sides. Better you be hurt by her outburst then she hurt herself. Even in such a short amount of time on the TARDIS, you had come to care greatly about her wellbeing. She knew you could handle your own, protected your sister, and taught you more about the majesty of the Universe then you'd known in your entire life. " _Doctor-"_

The Doctor inhaled sharply as she shot up at the waist, nearly colliding her head with your own just before you jumped out of the way. Her eyes remained unfocused, flickering around her bedroom to scan for intruders, desperately listening for the sound of  _her -_ an anchor to reality, the loneliness she had faced in such a short amount of time. The way her hearts ached when she found you, a lone soldier, who was looking for someone that related to her own experiences. 

"Y/N." She breathed, falling limp in your grasps as she rested her forehead against your collarbone. You pressed your fingers lightly over her right heart, lifting her head from your shoulder as you felt the frantic rise and fall of her chest, breathing uneven as she tried to blink away the remains of her nightmare. 

"Gotta breathe, love." You reassured. "You're safe at home in your TARDIS. Nothing is going to hurt you here. No  _one_ is ever going to hurt you again-" Words fell to silence as the Time Lord trembled against you, arms wound around your neck as a childs did their mothers, hot tears staining your skin as she sobbed. "I've been in your shoes. Spent almost a month without sleep after my first tour, and it was the most eyeopening experience because it taught me one thing." She never once tore her eyes away from you as you spoke, as if she was genuinely interested in the stories of a creature like yourself. So different from herself, but so painfully similar at the same time. "Nightmares end. They shouldn't end who you are. And I believe that who you are has very much to do with this wedding band I found in the grating by the fireplace." 

That seemed to catch her attention. Wiping the tears from her eyes, The Doctor lifted her head and peered through messy blonde hair to gaze at the trinket in your palm. You watched several different emotions flicker through her eyes as she gently took it from you and held it in between her fingers - tenderly gazing at the green stone fastened against the gold band. 

"She was my wife." The Doctor whispered. "She was my wife, and... and she died." 

Your heart sank as she slipped the band onto her finger and lifted her eyes to meet your own. You wanted nothing more then to reassure her that her wife still loved her, that despite her pain -- everything would indeed be alright in the end, but you couldn't. Because you weren't even alright, far from it. You were the exact opposite of what she needed right now. 

"I didn't know your wife, Doctor, but I do believe I know what she'd say if she saw you right now." You said softly. "I think she'd be incredibly proud of the woman you are and the person you were. And she'd tell you time and time again that no matter how much you believed to have failed her, she loves you very much." She gazed at you with those wide brown eyes that were still bloodshot from her tears, warm fingers coming to rest on top of your hand as you met her gaze. So much pain.. but so much compassion. You imagined that if you were ever to describe the Doctor to someone who hadn't met her, that was how you'd do it. 

So much pain, and loneliness, and rage... And in the end, her compassion won over them all. 

"I see it too. In your eyes. Your nightmares plague you as mine do." The Doctor gestured to the bedroom the two of you were in. "This is my nightmare, sleeping in this bedroom that is a monument to my dead wife. I thought that after all this time I'd find some peace in the familiarity, but I was just greeted with more misery. And I'm tired. I'm  _so_ tired." 

You stood from the bed and bent down to scoop up the purple waistcoat. "I would've paid good money to see the sexy creature who wore this beautiful coat once upon a time." The laughter that broke past her lips was a welcome sound as you extended your arm for her to take the coat from your grasps. ''C'mon now, woman. I want to hear some of the dreams you've had that came true. Your wedding day. When you stole this TARDIS and ventured off to see the Universe. Your fondest memories of your companions-" 

"This one." The Doctor interjected as she took you by the arm, shutting the door for a final time as she lead you to the kitchens. Your heart lifted when she looked up at you and flashed the brightest smile she could muster. "This is one of my fondest memories." 

When Ryan and Yaz awoke the next morning, they found themselves met with brisk cold and the smell of the sea, the TARDIS parked on the cliffs of Dover with the Doctor and yourself sat side by side in the doorway quietly chatting over warm mugs of tea. 

"So you broke time to marry the woman you loved, who was actually destined to be your murderer?'' You asked indignantly, to which The Doctor replied with a snort. "That sounds so much like you." 

"Oh, you have  _no idea."_

You spent all day in conversation with her. Talking about her past, your past, all she had seen and the people she had lost, the places you wanted to see. By the time night fell and the five of you retreated into your rooms, you felt as if you'd known The Doctor nearly your entire life. And when you fell asleep in your new new bed in the room adjacent to the one that she'd now claimed as her own, you dreamed not of the darkness and chaos, but of the beauty in the wonders you'd see at the break of a new dawn. 

" _Why do you travel in the box with him?"_

_"Because it's amazing. Because... I see wonders."_

 


	29. Abandonment Issues | 13th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is by far the best and my favorite of the Thirteen one shots I've ever written.

_t's just the two of you, long after the rest have gone. A girl and her box off to see the Universe._

Take a moment and think about this with me. If you google the specific definition of the term  _abandonment,_ it often refers back to this:  a subjective emotional state in which people feel undesired, left behind, insecure, or discarded. Key word here -  _left behind._ You had known for quite a while about your issue with relationships and why you never seemed to be able to trust people, but you had never chalked it up to having acquired abandonment issues. 

And you had never seen it as severe as it was with The Doctor. 

You're standing in the doorway of the TARDIS when she finally brings it up -- the inevitable farewell to temporary companions -- as you have now arrived in Sheffield with the intention of sending Yaz, Ryan and Graham home. They'd had their adventures and wished to continue on with their normal lives while this lonely heart traveled the Universe and witnessed its infinite wonders from within the confines of a blue box. 

The only true companion she'd ever had. 

Your heart ached for The Doctor simply because you  _understood._ You'd been abandoned, stabbed and cast aside by more people then you could count in your lifetime - excluding your family, who had been the only ones there for you during your adolescence and well into your early adult years. It was only after your parents had passed away that The Doctor had crossed your path, and you'd been with her ever since. 

" _There's no reason for you to stay here. I'm not a hero.. I'm not this person everyone makes me out to be."_

_"You're not just any old hero," You whispered, winding your arms around her torso as she sank into the warmth of your embrace. "You are the most magnificent being this Universe has ever seen. Your hearts outweigh the compassion of all humanity combined... and you never say no to people. That's why you're a hero, Doctor. It's because you care."_

She had lost far too many people. Had been forced to watch, helpless to act as companions were ripped from her grasps. Two thousand years of losing everyone that ever mattered to you... You had no idea as to how she was still  _alive._

"Well, I s'pose this is it." Her thick Northern accent pulled you out of your trance, and you pull your lip between your teeth in anxious anticipation. She seemed oblivious to your presence just inside the TARDIS and instead kept her focus on the three companions before her. You couldn't hear Ryan and Yaz's responses, but the desperate attempt in veiling the pain in her expression was all the evidence you needed. "Got you back, guess we're done. Nice having you aboard." 

" _Thanks Doc."_

You faintly recognized Yaz's voice as you now stood in the doorway, fingers nervously flexing as you slowly extended your hand to wrap it through her own. The Doctor softened when she caught sight of you, inching herself closer to the TARDIS to accept the gesture - something you had noticed over the past year or so calmed her significantly. Touch was the only way you'd gotten through to Twelve. 

"Oh, y'know. Back in the box. There's loads to see." 

"On your own?" 

The Doctor opened her mouth, prepared to say yes, until she remembered you standing only a few feet away. You had never run, even when she'd given you every reason to do so. You smiled and laughed and brought so much joy to her life -- something she found was so entirely  _human_ \-- and part of her wondered if you were finally ready to leave her now. Let her disappear within this ancient, blue box, never to be remembered by the people of Earth. 

"I s'pose." 

Tenderly running the pad of your thumb over her knuckles, the soft whisper of a familiar melody echoes in The Doctors mind - another trick she'd taught you about many months ago. The lyrics echo in her head like the words of a prayer, easing her panic into peace as they resonate deep within her. 

_You are not alone, I've been here the whole time singing you a song_

_I will carry you_

"You wanna come for tea at mine?" 

The Doctor wrenches you out of the TARDIS before you can argue, arm loosely wrapped through your own as her entire face lights up at the invitation. "Definitely! I love tea. Tea at Yaz's,  _amazing."_ You follow hot on the heels of the three people before you, abnormally quiet as you pondered how to approach the topic. You can hear her laughter and see that ethereal smile in your peripheral vision, but everything around you seems to be white noise.

It's The Doctor squeezing your hand that draws your attention back to her. "Y/N, are you alright? You've gone quiet on me. That's never a good sign." 

Was it wise to bring it up? To very bluntly remark that this ancient Timelord that was constantly attached to your hip, no matter where you went, that she had the same issues you did? That you feared relationships and thus distanced yourself from people so you wouldn't be able to be hurt anymore? How hurt you were that she actually believed you'd leave her, after all this time? 

"I've always wondered why I was so drawn to you." The Doctors neck cranes to hear your voice, her focus now entirely on you as you pull her closer to your side, arms still intertwined with one another. "At first I thought it was because you offered me the Universe. Who can refuse an offer like that? To see what so many are deprived of, an infinite Universe with so much more in store then we can comprehend. And the longer I've been with you, the more I've realized it's because I'm utterly terrified at the thought of leaving you."

Her breathing stutters in her chest, and The Doctor calls out to Ryan that you two will catch up just before you stop in the middle of the courtyard. " _Y/N-"_

You are unable to halt the impending confession and choose to continue, gently cradling her hands in your own. "Then it occurred to me. Why does this ancient time traveller, who could have her pick of the mill when it comes to human companions, put up with  _this_ human? Why me? What is so special about me?" 

"Everything!" 

"And while I believe you," The Doctor exhaled slowly as she saw your lips begin to quiver, the words you were unable to say faltering on your tongue. "Just now, I saw the pain in your face. The grief and the heartbreak and the dread of being left alone again. After Clara, after _Bill_ \- You've been abandoned and lost your companions so many times that the thought of being alone terrifies you." Her head falls to her chest in that moment of realization, bright eyes dimmed by the weight that sat upon her shoulders, unable to meet your own as her grip slackened. "Did you really think I was gonna leave you?" 

 _Bang_. Like a bullet to her hearts. Such a simple question but one that carried so much desperation.

"I don't want you to leave me." Her reply is sincere, without hesitation. "You're right. I've lost too many people, seen so many die, and I'm  _exhausted._ It's a constant fear, this is. The fear of making relationships, of being vulnerable. After two thousand years of living, I have never had the luxury of outrage, much less vulnerability. But  _you_ ," Your eyes soften as her lips quirk upward in the hint of a smile, a sight you've come to love in the time you've known The Doctor. "You make this all worth while. The  _memory_ , the laughter, the joy you've brought into my life... That's not something a sentimental fool like myself can repay." 

The longer you thought about it, the more it made sense. Those people who had left your life would always be a part of you, but there came a time and season for everyone. And currently? _Your_ season was at the side of this lonely Time Lord and her brilliant, shining companions.

"Well, after all the people who've left me... I was given a great gift when you came across my path. Now give me a hug, woman." You demanded. "That's the best gift you can give." 

You weren't prepared for the caliber of her hug, nearly knocked off your feet as she threw herself into your arms. She was much shorter this time around, able to wrap her legs around your waist as the two of you stumbled about the courtyard. Quivering fingers wound their way to the base of your neck as you buried your face in her shoulder, inhaling the very scent of time that lingered on her skin. 

"Don't go." Her lips breathed right in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. " _Please."_

You feverishly shook your head as you sat her back on the ground and lightly tapped your nose with the end of your finger. 

"Never."

 


	30. Trust | 13th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader comes out to Thirteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This will probably be the only time I ever write something like this, and it's not based off my own story (100% heterosexual) but my best friend is a part of the LGBT community, so I'm going to use part of what happened when she told me.

_Just tell her. She's not going to be like the others. She's the **Doctor** , a genderfluid alien from Gallifrey with a soft heart and eyes that mirror the stars. _

Most of your life had been lived within the confines of an imaginary prison, with your mind holding the key that unlocked the door. It constantly taunted you -- ate away at your very being -- practically begging for the sweet release of acceptance from both yourself and the people around you. 

But every time you tried to bring up the subject of your sexuality to your family, they were dismissive. Disregarded with a flick of the hand and a quick change of subject, so you stopped trying, You told your best friend, who lived thousands of miles away from you and had openly accepted you with open arms since you'd met over the Internet. You told your friends at the University you attended.. and eventually your brother, but parents were off limits. 

That was why you started travelling with the Doctor. She was the  _only_ person who had accepted you as you came, lonely and desperate for something  _more._ You craved companionship, someone to empathize with your situation and help you to make something better of your life. 

_Tell her._

"Y/N?" The Doctors voice quietly infiltrated your thoughts as she emerged from underneath the console in the midst of deep repairs on the Time Machine. You peered at her over your shoulder and grinned widely at her disheveled state - hands stained with oil, blonde hair tucked behind her ears and brown eyes alight with wonder as she stared right back at you. "Are you alright?" 

You swallowed thickly and stood, bare feet padding over the cold floors as you walked toward her. "Define  _alright_ ," You began. "A state of satisfaction, but not especially good-" The Doctor laughed beneath her breath and extended her hands, halting your ramble as she lightly squeezed your shoulders. "Okay, you caught me. You're way too pretty for me to keep rambling on like you do-"

"And how exactly do I ramble?" 

"Like a raving lunatic." 

"And here I was hoping that'd be a sufficient enough distraction for you to focus on." She teased. "Now please, why don't you tell me what's bothering you?" Sighing deeply, you motioned for the Time Lord to sit down beside you on the stair, snapping your fingers to open the front doors of the TARDIS. The Doctor had settled her down in the Medusa Cascade, a supposed favorite spot of hers where she often found herself when in need of time to clear her head. 

"How many companions have you ever had who..  _aren't_ straight?" 

The question seemed to have taken her by surprise. "Well, quite a few actually. Bill very much embraced the fact of just how much she loved women, and I always suspected that Clara leaned toward both men and women.. I mean, you should've  _seen_ her with Jane Austen!" You swallowed thickly and slowly moved your hand closer to hers, breath catching in your throat as The Doctor bridged the gap and cradled your hand in her own. 

" _Doctor_ -" You breathed in relief. "I've spent years of my life living in this shadow of myself, afraid of acceptance from others simply because I was different from everyone else. My best friend who lives in the United States was the first to accept me for  _myself,_ the fact that I wasn't straight." Her eyes softened at the realization of where you were going, but she made no move to silence you. "And for years I've lived in fear that my parents wouldn't accept me because of it, and I don't want that to be  _you_ -" 

"Y/N, I'm a two thousand year old alien who can change her gender and my body at any given point. I've lead wars, fought hundreds of different baddies... Your sexuality is the least of my concerns." A sense of swelling, unfiltered joy flooded your body as you leaped to your feet to tackle the Timelord, only to be interrupted by the rest of the, as she says,  _fam_ entering the console room. 

You tucked a stray hair behind her ear as stunned eyes flickered up to meet your own. "You're so pretty." You whispered, much to the bemusement of the crowd that stood on the other side of the console. Laughter filled the room as The Doctor blushed beneath your touch, swiping her hands across her cheeks in hopes that it the redness would fade with a flick of her hand. 

" _I was hoping you'd noticed."_

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  -

_Dear heart, I hope you enjoyed this. It was the first time I'd ever written something of this nature and I was extremely satisfied with the outcome._


	31. Touch Starved | 13th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEADCANON FORMAT: I will be accepting requests for HEADCANONS only. If you want to see one, let me know! I loved writing this!

_Thirteen \ Touchstarved Headcanons_

  * So this sucker used to love hugs
  * Especially in her eleventh self
  * They were her favorite thing to receive from her companions
  * But then the Ponds “died” and it became the very thing she detested
  * A poison
  * So she shied away from it for a while - recoiled inwardly even when she accepted the hugs from Bill in her previous incarnation
  * And then you came along
  * The gift from God above
  * You are so warm and so joyful and so very much _alive_ that she envies it
  * And holy crap, she’s never craved physical touch so much in her life
  * You notice it when she hesitantly brushed her hand against yours
  * Or when she’d stare at you from across the console room
  * yearning, craving the simplest touches
  * But too afraid to initiate it
  * The woman is a literal ray of sunshine - there was nothing you wouldn’t do to make her smile
  * So you made it a mission to figure out why she kept doing it
  * And then one night in the TARDIS, she seeks you out, clad in striped pajamas that are ironically enough, the same stripes as on her Fourth incarnations scarf
  * You don’t talk about Four, _ever_
  * “Doctor, are you alright?”
  * The strangest part about it is, this is the first time you’ve seen her properly frightened about something
  * Chest heaving, eyes flickering about the room, hands trembling as she struggled to regain her breath
  * You stand to your feet and slowly begin towards her
  * Gods, your heart absolutely _ached_ for her
  * You can’t imagine what it’s like to not be touched in a way that isn’t threatening
  * “Hey. It’s just me.”
  * The first touch — gentle graze of her neck with reluctant fingers — totally sets her body on fire
  * She isn’t sure how to feel. Scared? Intrigued?
  * So as you expect, the room fills with an uneasy silence, and the woman in front of you just gets smaller
  * Until she bursts into tears
  * “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_ -“
  * Your fingers start a slow trek up her neck, familiarizing her with the tenderness of your touch
  * It isn’t until your fingers sink into her hair that it hits her
  * You aren’t a threat - You’re _Y/N_ \- and she’s never felt more at home then right in front of you
  * And as soon as that happens, she sinks into it
  * Literally
  * Thanking the stars for your creation
  * Nuzzling your neck
  * “You don’t ever have to be afraid of me.” You whisper. “Such a lonely little girl… lonelier then and even lonelier now… What anguish you must feel at not being touched for so long. I’m so sorry.”
  * After that night, she sleeps in your bed
  * All the time
  * Because even though she knows her TARDIS is the safest place in the Universe for her
  * The Doctor finds that she in fact feels safest sleeping next you, enveloped in your warmth, the very familiarity of _you_
  * And there’s no place she’d rather be




End file.
